My Favorite Muppets, Part 2: Frank Oz

Today, I'm looking at Jim Henson's partner-in-crime, Frank Oz.  He retired in 2000 to further focus on his directorial career (which includes one of my favorite films of all-time, Little Shop of Horrors), but many of his classic Muppet characters are still with us today.

Remember, just because I placed Animal at number 6 doesn't mean he can't be your favorite Muppet.  It just means that you need to get your priorities straight.

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10) SkekSil, the Skeksis Chamberlain - The Dark Crystal

SkekSil is the best character in The Dark Crystal, by far.  Unlike the rest of one-dimensional "good guys" and "bad guys," the permanently-smirking Chamberlain actually keeps the audience guessing with his actions after he is shunned by his own kind.  While Barry Dennen supplied his voice (and his amusing grunts), it was Oz who managed to instill sympathy into this grotesque creature, making us care for his well-being and delight in his villainy.

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9) The Snowths - The Muppet Show

"Mahna Mahna" only works because of these two creatures, and it helps that they only appear for reprises of "Mahna Mahna."  But unlike other one-hit-wonders, we don't want to see them do anything else.  It would be very strange to have them act in a scene or try to hold a conversation that wasn't "doo doo doo doo doo."  Their pink, bovine-esque design makes them visually appealing, but I think their unique foam tube mouths are their best feature.  What other Muppet comes close to looking like these things?  They are one-of-a-...two-of-a-kind.

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8) Fozzie Bear - The Muppet Show

Before starting this blog, I was not a Fozzie Bear fan.  It's hard to write good comedy, but it may be even harder to write intentionally bad comedy.  Most of Fozzie's schtick was *sigh* unbearable to me.  But I discovered that Fozzie is more than just a bad comedian.  He is a hopeless artist who is redeemed by the fact that he is a genuinely nice person, and an even greater friend.  He wishes no ill-will towards anyone, yet he constantly is made to suffer.  His strongest moments come when he defends his companions or makes dramatic, inspirational speeches.  His jokes may fail, but he does not.

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7) Yoda - Star Wars

"But wait," you cry.  "Did this blog specifically address the issue that Yoda is not a Muppet?"  Yes, but that was before Disney acquired the rights to Lucasfilm.  So, now that they own both Star Wars and the Muppets, I don't see any reason why Yoda shouldn't be considered for this Top 10 list honor.  Yoda is a great character, he's played by Frank Oz, therefore, he deserves a spot on the list.  Besides, who else would I put here?  Marvin Suggs?

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6) Animal - The Muppet Show

Okay, Animal is a great character.  So, the fact that he's only number 6 shows just how wonderful Oz's creations are.  Like most Muppet monsters, Animal runs on pure id.  But he's technically supposed to be human as well.  If a person like Animal actually existed in real life, he'd be considered a threat to society.  As a puppet, he becomes cute and endearing.  I also appreciate that he's based on Celtic mythology.  So THAT'S why he is a Leprechaun Brother!

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5) Grover - Sesame Street

Like Fozzie, Grover only wants to do good in the world, but his literal approach to life ends up getting him in trouble with the more "mature" characters.  Grover seems to represent all of those struggles that kids encounter.  Those kids who get punished for doing exactly what they had been taught by their family, friends, and the media.  Despite all of these burdens, Grover remains optimistic and takes the extra step to give back to society, even though society does nothing but crush him.

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4) Miss Piggy - The Muppet Show

If there's one thing this blog has done, it's redeemed Miss Piggy for me.  She was legitimately my least favorite Muppet, due to her grating behavior.  Any Muppet production that featured her has a main component would be immediately written off as unworthy in my book.  And, when her negative qualities are the focus, she can drag down many a show.  Then this happened.  And now I love her.

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3) Cookie Monster - Sesame Street

Cookie originated as a generic monster performed by Jim Henson for his IBM commercial, and not much changed in the character when he passed hands to Oz.  His enormous appetite was now more innocent and less malicious, but he was still just a thing that ate.  The reason he works so well is because of the relationship he has with his performer.  Despite many of the characters he plays, Oz was always the more reserved part of the Henson-Oz duo.  By allowing him to just bounce of the wall for an item as trivial as a cookie, Cookie Monster allowed Oz to have pure, unrestrained fun.

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2) Bert - Sesame Street

And on the other side, Bert was where Oz was the most comfortable.  Playing a more extreme version of himself, Bert could play of Henson's Ernie while maintaining a sense of maturity and dignity.  It's just as fun to see Bert get upset as it is to see him win.  While most kids might not identify with the rigid Bert, I always appreciated his respect for the rules, because it allowed him to appreciate that in life which often would go unnoticed.  He may not have gone out for flashy, noisy entertainment like his partner, but if he can find beauty in a pigeon or a paper clip, who's to say his outlook on life is wrong?

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1) Sam the Eagle - The Muppet Show

As a young, young child, I loved the Muppets.  But I don't know exactly how this came to be.  I did not get any channel which showed The Muppet Show regularly.  I guess through pop-cultural osmosis, I became aware of the main characters and eventually I ended up with two items that sealed my fate.  One was The Muppet Movie on VHS and the other was this old Muppets lunchbox.

This was exactly what I needed.  Something that featured all of the characters for me to study.  Each side featured different pictures of the gang, and I was most intrigued by the Muppets I didn't know, because, unlike those featured on the front of the box, they didn't have prominent roles in the movie.  It's strange, but thinking about it now, my favorite Muppets are each of the characters that I had to seek out and learn about.  I'd ask my parents who these characters were, but it wouldn't be until years later that I'd learn the names:  Link Hogthrob, Uncle Deadly, and Sam the Eagle (there's actually a fourth character featured on this box, but we'll get to him much later).

Visually, Sam was the most interesting to me.  His stern glare told me he was not a character to be messed with.  Was he an evil villain?  Or was he just upset a lot?  As I eventually learned, he was a dash of both.  Sam was the anti-Muppet of the gang.  A square who prevented everyone from having any fun.  Even Bert could let loose once and a while.  As I grew and saw Sam in more and more productions, my appreciation grew.  With all of the crazy Muppets out there, the funniest one had to be the guy who tried to stop it.  I've said it many times, but the Muppets are at their best when they fail.  And Sam never once achieved a victory.

Except for getting the number one spot on this list.

He's earned it.

Two Stupid Pigs

Low-brow humor gets a bad reputation.  Appealing to the lowest-common denominator classifies one as being unintelligent, lazy, or immoral.  Yet, this is humor distilled to it's most basic form.  Mere slapstick and lewd sounds spark guttural, involuntary laughter because they are unexpected to us.  "The Three Stooges" shorts are classics, not because they provided great insight into the human process, but because they speak the universal language of physical comedy.

Two characters that people may point to as a sign that Muppets Tonight paled in comparison to The Muppet Show are Andy and Randy Pig.

He's Andy and he's Randy.  I think.

The Muppet Show had unhinged characters and dim-witted characters and one-dimenisonal characters, but they did have pure idiots like Andy and Randy, especially not as their main characters.  These pigs were so cartoonishly stupid that they had no semblance of realism.  They took every word literally, enjoyed bashing their heads together, forgot who they were or how their body functioned, and refused to complete the most minor of tasks with their catchphrase, "This job's too hard!"

The pigs originally appeared as a duo known as "Kirby and Jeff" in one of Nickelodeon's "Muppet Time segments, where they are two young boys who attempt to prove that they can get dressed all by themselves.

Here, their imbecilic actions are understandable.  Little kids still have a lot of growing to do, but they often like to show off what they have learned, even  if they still lack the abilities to do so.  This song is cute and accurate for their age.  But this set the tone for all future appearances.

After Muppet Classic Theater redubbed them "Andy and Randy," their relation to Miss Piggy was established.  In the first episode of Muppets Tonight, Miss Piggy agrees to appear as the guest star if Clifford hires her two nephews.  While Piggy would appear less frequently from then on, Andy and Randy were there to stay.

Now played by Steve Whitmire and Dave Golez, Andy and Randy would cause all sorts of trouble for the crew.  Their biggest episode was "Episode 104: John Goodman" in which John Goodman saves their lives from being electrocuted, so they decide to repay him by becoming his personal slaves.  And of course they only do more harm than help.

It gets worse from here.

This is probably the twin pigs' worst episode because they are so prominent.  With pure, unbridled idiocy, small doses are the best.  This is why the Ralph-Wiggums of Television Land are usually regulated to bit parts of larger ensembles.  Fortunately, the writer's realized this, and soon, Andy and Randy would only appear once per episode.  And these moments would be fantastic.

My favorite recurring segment was "The Eagle's Nest," Sam the Eagle's political panel in which he would attempt to discuss important affairs with whomever he was able to scrounge up.  Andy and Randy Pig were the only ones dumb enough to participate, and thus appeared in each episode.  Having Sam grow increasingly more agitated while he attempted to maintain control was a delight, especially when Andy and Randy would twist his questions into some clever wordplay.  The following clip may be the best of the bunch, as only the pigs have shown up this time.

The repetition of "Messrs" at the beginning is innocently adorable (and would carry over into a future episode) but I was particularly fond of the pigs shouting "Yoyoyoyoyoyoyo!" as they tied Sam to his chair, because this was calling back to an earlier episode in which Clifford greeted them with the phrase.  It shows that they are learning.

However, there was one second season sketch that truly put Andy and Randy into their element.  In "Episode 203: Heather Locklear," the pigs somehow got the opportunity to write their own sketch.  This resulted in the perfectly-titled "The Hardy Pig Boys in 'The Mystery of the Zombie Queen of the Amazon Outer Space Jungle Bee-Woman Case' (based on a novel by Jane Austen)."

 Now this should have been the whole episode!

Andy and Randy, in true Andy and Randy fashion, fail to make it past the first line of their script without getting horribly confused about what they had written.  They don't understand their own jokes, they fail to solve the mysteries of who their characters are, and five pages consist of doodles.  But it ends with Kermit as Godzilla tearing through the scenery.  Ed Wood would be proud.

It's clear that when performing the pigs, Golez and Whitmire just set out to have as much fun as possible.  Adopting these doofy voices and failing the puppets about whenever they got the chance, the two puppeteers obviously did not care how silly they were being.  Andy and Randy could push the limits of low-brow humor and that's what makes them so ceaselessly entertaining.  They could mine a joke out of any situation and, unlike most of the elements of Muppets Tonight, it was evident that they weren't trying to hard.

Andy and Randy were comedy popcorn: not intellectually filling, but enjoyable and reliable nonetheless.

And they did it by themselves!

Muppet Treasure Island, Part 5: Buried Treasure

We last left Smollett dangling over his doom, lest Gunn reveal the true location of the treasure.  Gunn quickly tells Silver and, as her reward, she joins Smollett in his peril.

This is another fine mess you've gotten us in.

Smollett and Gunn make the best of a bad situation by singing the love song, "Love Led Us Here."  Even though they have spent years apart and are about to die, at least it will be together.

As they sing, we see the pirates celebrating over the mounds of treasure, as their love for money as led them here as well.  It's nice that everything turns out happily for everyone.

It's good to be the pirate king!

Oh wait, those are the bad guys.  And Miss Gunn's rope breaks!  But Smollett catches her before she plummets to her death.  Why this doesn't also break his rope, I don't know.  But it's funny!

Now there's a sight.

Fortunately, Hawkins has directed the ship over to the cliffs to save the two captives.  They all descend upon the island and the heroes and pirates clash for an epic final battle.  I really which this clip were one YouTube because it is fantastic.  Kermit and Sam the Eagle swordfight alongside each other as other Muppets find themselves in more comedic situations.  Perhaps you should just watch the movie, because the climax is worth it.

Once most of the pirates are taken care of, Hawkins stands up to Silver and, as a sign of respect, Silver turns his sword over to him.  The heroes take the treasure and lock up the pirates for the return voyage. However, Silver manages to break free from his cell and swipes some of the money and a lifeboat.  Hawkins spots him and prepares to turn him in, but Silver holds him at gunpoint.  He tells Hawkins that he truly admires him and cannot bring himself to shoot him, because he believes, in another life, they could have been valuable friends.  Hawkins lets him go, which is just as well, since the lifeboat was one of the faulty ones.  Everything is brought full circle!

The heroes sail off for more adventures, Silver winds up back on the island, and everyone lives happily ever after.

This was quite the surprise!  Having only seen this film once as a child, I was afraid my clouds of nostalgia would have distorted my perception of the film.  I remembered it being funny, but I didn't know if it would hold up at all.  Turns out I had nothing to fear.

This movie is often discussed in comparison with The Muppet Christmas Carol and to me, it is a clear improvement.  The Muppets become the focus of the film, despite playing secondary roles, and the original tale remains as untouched as a G-rated Disney version of the story can be.  Some people complain that these two movies are drastically different from the original three in that they feature humans in a Muppet world rather than Muppets in a human world.  And that is correct.  It is very different in that sense.  It doesn't make it bad.

In fact, almost every thing is very good.  Here are the five reasons you should watch this film and include it in your Muppet canon:

1) The relationship between Jim Hawkins and Long John Silver is actually complex.

These are our two main humans and our closest connection to the original source material.  While Jim can be a little bland at times and Tim Curry is not as over-the-top as some of his more iconic roles, there is a real heart to their friendship.  This is one of the most crucial aspects of the book.  While it bills itself as being a rollicking tale of pirates and adventures, it is actually about a boy finding a father figure who is unable to be the perfect role model he needs him to be.

Bloodshed, greed, and daddy issues.

Despite Silver's piracy and villainous behavior, he never really seems to be a bad guy.  Sure he nearly kills some of our heroes, but it's because they stand on the opposite side of the morality spectrum than he does.  He grew up as a pirate and it is the life he is used to.  He wants treasure, but he wants Jim to respect him more.  That's why he lets Jim go when things turn dangerous.  That's why he willingly surrenders to Jim when he has the upper hand.  And that's why he's heartbroken when Jim threatens to turn him into the authorities.  He knows that it's the "right" thing to do, but the fact that his new friend is considering sentencing him to death truly humbles the pirate.

As a kid, I glossed over their scenes, but now, I appreciate the movie for being bold enough to include them.

2) The classic Muppets are perfectly cast.

My biggest issue with The Muppet Christmas Carol was when the Muppets behaved more like themselves when it didn't make sense for the characters they were portraying (Waldorf and Statler especially bothered me, even though I know they are fan favorites).  Here, each one takes the character they are assigned and makes it their own.  Kermit is a Kermity Captain Smollett, but he still takes charge and makes serious decisions.  Fozzie's Trelawney is humorous and plays up the idea of a rich eccentric.  Piggy's Gunn is doing a lot better for herself than the disheveled Gunn from the story, but it services the plot just fine.  And Sam's Arrow...well, I'll get to that later.

The Muppet Christmas Carol had too many clashing elements, but here, the balance works to the story's favor.

3)  The new Muppet pirates are wonderful additions to the new Muppet world.

I don't think any other Muppet movie has added as many new speaking Muppet roles as this one did.  Yet, each new character fits right in with the world of the Muppets.  They are funny enough to hold their own scenes and they allow for some great musical numbers.  Seeing the boat filled to the brim with so many Muppets was great.

Also, the sets were stylized, yet still magical.  This felt like a very Disney movie, moreso than any of the previous films, but I mean that in terms of quality.  Through clever effects, the Muppet world actually felt grand!  With all the new characters, it made it seem as if there are many more Muppets out there waiting to be discovered.

4) Hans Zimmer did the music.

Hans Zimmer did the music.

5)  Sam the Eagle has a surprisingly large role.

Frank Oz's go-to Muppet characters are Fozzie and Miss Piggy.  He spends so much time with these two that the others fall by the way side.  But here, he actually has more screentime than the other two.  Actually, Oz is playing three of the four important Muppet characters in the story (Gonzo and Rizzo have less to do here than in Christmas Carol which is a shame).

But it's great that one of my favorite Muppets finally gets his day in the sun.  Sure, he suffers from his usual delusions of grandeur, but he still comes out as a hero at the end.

What a crew!

I once met a Muppet fan who claimed that her favorite movie was Muppet Treasure Island.  I thought it was blasphemy to say such a thing and deny Henson's greatness.  But, the Jim Henson Company is so much more than Jim.  It is filled with great writers, puppeteers, and creators.  His son, Brian, directed this film and I must say, it is near perfect.  While I probably wouldn't put it above The Muppet Movie or The Great Muppet Caper, it is a very close third.  And, it is one that I'd be willing to watch again and again.

A real treasure.

Muppet Treasure Island, Part 4: An (Un)deserted Island

As Long John Silver forces Jim to use his compass and map to lead the pirates to the treasure, Smollett and company come to shore and set up camp for the night.  However, they are soon taken in by a mysterious tribe of native pigs, led by the controversially named Spa'am.

Only good lawsuits can come of this.

Now, this group of island natives was not present in the original book, but with the grand display that is put on, you kind of wish Stevenson had included them.  Actually, the latter half of the movie tends to stray quite a bit from the original, so it's best just to follow along with what we have.  Spa'am reveals that the pigs worship an island goddess, who they refer to as "Boom Shakalaka."  And, while it should be clear who exactly that goddess is, it is still a grand entrance.

Boom Shakalaka is none other than Miss Piggy, er, "Benjamina Gunn," (based on Ben Gunn from the novel).  Both characters were once part of Flint's pirate crew who had been abandoned on the island, but since Piggy is playing the role, her Gunn was also romantically involved with Smollett prior to her days of piracy and being marooned.

She did well for herself, so don't worry.

Speaking of pirates, the map leads Silver's men to a cave filled with treasure chests!  Empty treasure chests, that is.  The pirates turn on Silver and he orders Hawkins to flee and save himself because he may be a pirate, but he's not a bad guy.  How sweet of him.

The pirates tie up Silver and give him the Black Spot.  Silver, being smarter than the Muppets, reprimands them all for using a page from the Bible to deliver a death sentence and orders that they release him, lest they be eternally punished.  A similar scene appears in the book, but it's actually more important here because it sets up the fact that pirates are highly superstitious.

How does that come into play?  Well, Jim, after rescuing Gonzo and Rizzo from the pigs, runs into Arrow on his lifeboat.  The group secretly board the hijacked ship and Arrow powders his skin and drapes himself in seaweed, pretending to be his own ghost.  This scares all the remaining pirates away and lets Hawkins regain control of the ship.

 The best characters are always picked for the Muppet Action Figures.

Back on the island, Silver finds Smollett and Gunn and, realizing that Gunn probably took the treasure for herself, demands to know where the loot is.  He also hints at his own romantic past with Gunn, leading to a lot of innuendo for a G-rated Muppet movie.

They don't call him "Long John" for nothing!

Fortunately, the native pigs arrive to save the day!  Unfortunately...

Since Gunn refuses to reveal the new location of the treasure, Silver threatens to kill Smollett by hanging him over a cliff.

This seems like a good place to stop.

How will Smollett get out of this one?!  Check back tomorrow for the swashbuckling ending to Muppet Treasure Island!

Muppet Treasure Island, Part 3: A Mutiny on the High Seas

Smollett orders Jim to turn the treasure map over to him so that he may lock it up in his safe.  And there it stays for weeks.  The weeks become months, and very soon, the entire crew succumbs to "Cabin Fever," one of the more inspired musical numbers of the film.

It wouldn't be a Muppet movie without an over-the-top musical production!

After getting that out of their system, the locked up pirates complain about their conditions and Silver puts on a show, reprimanding them for their misdeeds.  He talks with Hawkins who ultimately slips up, revealing that there is a treasure map on board and in the cabin of Smollett.  That night, Silver strikes up a conversation with Arrow.  Remember all that stuff about alcohol earlier?  Well, this is the part in the book where Silver gets Arrow drunk so that he falls overboard.  But, since we can't have that, Silver instead appeals to Arrow's authority and convinces him to check the lifeboats for safety reasons.  Arrow gives him his hat and keys to hold on to while performing his safety check and drifts away into the endless expanse of ocean.

Bye Sam!  I'll miss you!

The next morning, the crew mourns the passing of Arrow, and Silver breaks his companions free, allowing them to steal the map.  In the kitchen, Gonzo, Rizzo, and Jim sneak some apples from the apple barrel and overhear Silver and his men planning a mutiny, intending to take over the ship once the treasure has been found.

They'll get to the CORE of this problem!

As the ship nears the island, Jim informs Smollett of the pirates' plan.  Smollett decides to let the pirate crew disembark on the island first with the map and then abandon them for a year so that they can return for the treasure when the pirates are too weak (or too dead) to fight back.  That's..very dark.  I know Kermit is playing an established character, but yeesh!

Kermit the Frog: Letting 30 men starve to death to teach them a lesson.

Unfortunately, Silver expects something is up when Smollett lets the pirates go first, so he kidnaps Hawkins to ensure his safety.  They reach the island and decide it's time to come clean.  Yes, he is actually a pirate, one of the original members of the crew that buried the treasure.

Methinks the outfit gave it away.

Silver tries to convince Hawkins to truly embrace the adventurous lifestyle and just become a pirate.  And, in order to convince him, we get another song, "Professional Pirate," which is sadly Curry's only number.

Hawkins refuses the offer, claiming that Smollett will surely rescue him.  Sounds of cannonfire signal Smollett's arrival, but Silver assures him that it is actually the signal that the remaining pirates on the ship have actually mutinied and he is now in charge.

But don't worry, Smollett, Gonzo, and Rizzo managed to take the other lifeboat and are headed to the island right now!

Now, I know what you're thinking: "This is a Muppet movie.  Where are all the pigs?"  We shall find out tomorrow!  The pigs are coming!

Muppet Treasure Island, Part 2: A Motley Crew

As Jim Hawkins boards the Hispaniola, we see that more Muppets await us.  First up, we have Statler and Waldorf as the figureheads of the ship, where they can sit and comment on the movie at their will.  I think this is actually the first time a Muppet movie used them correctly and fit them seamlessly into the story.  The need to be omnipresent, yet out of the way.

Another point for Muppet Treasure Island.

Jim and his pals make their way down to the kitchen where they meet the ship's cook, Long John Silver as played by Tim Curry.  This casting choice was perfect as no one can quite pull off being charming, creepy, and menacing simultaneously like Curry.  Jim notices that he only has one leg and becomes unsettled when he recalls that Billy Bones had mentioned a dreaded one-legged pirate.  Despite his imposing appearance, Silver reassures Jim that he is but a humble cook.

Also, he has a lobster instead of a parrot.  Only pirates have parrots.

Back on the dock, the captain of the ship arrives.  The first mate, Samuel Arrow (as played by Sam the Eagle) introduces him as a no-nonsense, stern captain who will not stand for any tomfoolery.  But this was mostly Sam's wishful thinking as Captain Smollett is good ol' Kermit the Frog.

He just wants to make sure everyone stays safe and has a good time.

This dynamic between Arrow and Smollett plays out similarly to their Muppet Show relationship, where Sam tries to exert authority without actually having the final say.  It's different from the original novel, wherein Arrow was a stumbling alcoholic, but in both cases, it prevents the character from having any sort of control over his situation and therefore, it is a welcome change to the story.

This could be the whole movie and it'd still be great.

Rizzo, in an amusing subplot, arranges for his fellow rats to board the boat under the guise that this is a cruise ship.  This creates a great through-line that adds more comic relief throughout the movie.  Rather than mess with the original story too much, the Muppets have found away to leave their mark on the movie without interfering.

It'll just be a three-hour tour.

Now that everyone is ready to go, the crew sings a rousing number called "Sailing for Adventure," where we learn that the motives of some of the crew members may be less than noble.

Afterwards, Arrow leads the role call, and it becomes even clearer that the ship has picked up some strange members.  This scene feels like the main reason someone would want to combine Muppets with Treasure Island.  There are many opportunities for strange new characters to be stuck on this overcrowded ship and the writers made sure to cram as many jokes as possible into ever inch of this boat.

Captain Smollett is no dummy, and he speaks with the financiers of the voyage to explain where this crew (that is clearly made up of pirates) came from.  The blame is placed on Trelawney (who accuses Mr. Bimbo, of course) who claimed that Long John Silver recommended the crew.  Yeah, I have a feeling Silver may be up to no good.  As if to prove how much he doesn't belong on this ship, Silver comes in presenting some alcohol to toast the start of the voyage.  Now, in the original novel, as I said, this is important for Arrow's character, and, to keep him sober, Smollett forbids the consumption of alcohol on his boat.  This will become important later, but, since this is a kids movie, no one will be doing any drinking.  After some comedy with Trelawney attempting to have a drink, Smollett puts his foot down and tells Silver to throw the stuff overboard.

Jim accompanies Silver to help him and the two have a talk about their childhood dreams of being seamen.  Jim learns that Silver also lost his father as a child, and he grows to admire the cook.  Having gained his trust, Silver claims that he is aware that this journey is actually a treasure hunt, but Jim knows he should keep the map to himself, lest it fall into the wrong hands.

Or the wrong hooves.

A trio of pirates, Polly Lobster (Silver's "parrot"), Mad Monty and Clueless Morgan the Goat, decide that it's time to get their hands on that map.  They kidnap Gonzo and Rizzo and subject them to a series of torture in order to discover the whereabouts of the map.

Including being in close proximity with Mad Monty's breath.

Gonzo, who craves pain, enjoys his stretching torture and keeps quiet (aside from his yelps of pleasure).  Just before Rizzo is about to undergo his own interrogation, Arrow discovers the treachery and turns the trio over to the Captain.  The three are ordered to be locked up, and the Captain pulls Jim aside in order to do something about the map for safety reasons.

Oh, and Gonzo enjoys his newfound flexibility.

Yes, with so many strange characters on board, sometimes it is hard to tell who is good and who is bad.  But one thing is clear, Muppets will be Muppets.  Tomorrow, a mutiny on the high seas!

An All-American Avian Ace

Sam the Eagle represents American patriotism at its worst and best.  He is extremely loyal to his country (or at least his idea of his country) but completely oblivious to what his country is all about.  Created to parody right-wing conservatives, Sam behaves like a buffoon, more so than the clowns he associates with.

He's a birdbrain...with standards.

Acting as The Muppet Show censor, Sam hoped to bring quality entertainment to the American public, removing any sense of indecency.  Compared to other forms of entertainment, the Muppets are quite wholesome.  They were quirky and weird, but they never aimed to offend.  So, adding a censor to their midst required that person to be the stuffiest individual imaginable.  Sam was always quick to naysay, but he never seemed to know what he wanted.  In one famous speech, he starts condemning every creature in the world for being naked under their clothes, fur, and feathers.

Kermit, as we know, was a very orderly host.  He was usually the straight man for bizarre shenanigans.  When you're trying to argue that he isn't wholesome enough, then you know you have issues.

When pressed to explain what exactly he wants out of The Muppet Show, Sam commonly calls for  "culture."  Yet, when he must prove his knowledge of "cultured" art, he often comes up short, mistaking opera for ballet or failing to recognize great artists when he is talking to them.

Of course, Liberace was going to be a tough sell on this eagle no matter what.

Because of his ignorance about art, the other Muppets would usually prank Sam into performing items that featured "crassness" in subtle ways.

He was definitely a punching bag for the liberal minded Muppeteers, yet, he was painted in such a way that even those he was mocking could appreciate him.  Stephen Colbert is a great example of a fake conservative who uses his character for satire, yet he stays so true to character that some can't tell the difference between him and an actual conservative.  Those conservatives who are aware that is an act are generally not fans, although many have a good sense of humor and are willing to engage with him.  Sam probably wouldn't offend as many conservatives as Colbert, though.  Because he is often the victim of his own hubris, audiences can sympathize with him, no matter their political affiliation.  He just tries so hard to be right that he can't help but stumble.  In one surprisingly serious moment, Sam reveals the nature of his family, having a wife who left him and two college-aged children who don't write to him.

He is so hard pressed to promote American family values that he is unable to value his own family.  That's tragically and comedically poetic.

No time for family.  He's got a country to protect.

No matter how absurd Sam's demands can get, he is still viewed as being a great American.  Being an American eagle, he has to do no more than just exist in order for an American citizen to feel pride.  Even if he stands against everything you believe, he loves his country and is willing to do whatever he can to defend it.

The best thing to come out of the Disney-Marvel merger.

Though his feathers get ruffled over any form of weirdness, he must remember that the greatest value of the American Way is exercising one's rights to freedom.  No matter how flustered his companions make him, they are being American by being themselves.  His is a difficult life, being the only Muppet who represses his own Muppet heritage.  But, he takes himself so seriously and to such an extreme that he can't help but belong with the other crazy Muppets.

They are all weirdos, and he is the weirdest of them all.

*      *      *

As a 4th of July bonus, here are Don Music and Grover reenacting the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Happy Independence Day!