The Man, the Myth, the Legend

Legends are an endangered species.  Thanks to technology and the constant recording of modern history, myths have a more difficult time of taking shape.  Back in the 4th century, figures like Beowulf became world-renoun the hard way, by word of mouth.  And, with the telephone effect in play, each retelling of Beowulf's story brought him closer to the gods than to humanity.

Outside of joking memes like the "Chuck Norris facts," modern culture doesn't hold onto actual heroes for very long.  It is all to easy to learn about a person's flaws and mistakes to ever bring them to the level of ancient heroes.  Yet, there is one man that has become the face of the American legend.  Someone that our country can look to as our own private demigod.

That man is Abraham Lincoln.

Also, he's on Mars now.

Due to the significant contributions he gave to this country as president, we have collectively decided that he is the man who can do no wrong.  The above image is from Adventure Time, where Lincoln is literally depicted as a supernatural being that overlooks all of creation.  And this isn't even the strangest interpretation of the character!  Lincoln has appeared as a time-traveler, a ghost, a vampire hunter, an awkward teenaged clone, and an unusually high number of killer robots.

Based on Disneyland's Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln, the animatronic version of the 16th president has been a popular choice for fictional mayhem.  So naturally, in the Muppets Tonight episode concerning positive heroes in entertainment, a destructive Robot Lincoln lays siege to the studio.

After Sam the Eagle laments the lack of role models in modern culture, Muppet Labs attempts to rectify the issue with their own "perfect" hero.  When Robot Lincoln malfunctions, he takes on the role of Frankenstein's monster, causing chaos wherever he roams.  It seems as if he is just a brainless destroyer, but at the end, he has an introspective moment, noticing how people fear his presence.  This inspires guest star Paula Abdul to warm his heart with a rendition of "Lean on Me" and Robot Lincoln is welcomed by his peers.

He just wants to be loved.

Lincoln is the only person that is perfect for this part.  He's the president we are fascinated with and, as seen by the surge of recent movies (both fictional and non-fictional), his popularity will not go away for a long time.  Lincoln is the president that we can just have fun with.

Sure, we may write songs about Washington's raw power or feature Nixon as a ruthless power-hungry super-villain but Lincoln?  Lincoln knows how to party.  Some of this material may be seen as offensive or improper to the legacy of a great man, but the fact that he has inspired so many bizarre and creative interpretations goes to show that legends still exist.  It ensures that history never dies.

Whether he is a bloodthirsty automaton or a sagely wizard, Abraham Lincoln is and always will be a legend.

Random Muppet #25: Stu!

On the Muppet Wiki, there is a "Random Muppet" button which sends you to the page of one of the thousands of Muppets in existence. I will press the button and discuss the importance of the Muppet that comes up, no matter how obscure. No skips. No redos. This is the Random Muppet Challenge.

Random Muppet #25: Stu

An excitable Frogketeer.

Performer:  Dave Golez

Muppet Universe of Origin:  Muppets Tonight

Most Significant Appearance:  Muppets Tonight, April 5, 1996, "Episode 105: Cindy Crawford"

Yet another recurring element in Muppets Tonight was the "reveal" that the night's current guest had previously appeared with the Muppets in older works of entertainment.  Basically, it was an excuse to parody the shows of yesteryear and put the Muppets in funny costumes.  None of it could actually pass itself off as Muppet canon, of course (which makes it all a lost opportunity to revisit classic Muppet sketches and motifs).  The humor depended on the familiarity with the reference material.

One of the stronger "Classic Muppet" sketches was "The Kermit the Frog Club," which spoofed The Mickey Mouse Club, one of Disney's earliest attempts to make stars out of teenagers who danced, sang, and had good wholesome fun in their creepy, unrelenting devotion to the Mouse.  While the Club is currently known for its most recent iteration that spawned our Timberlakes and our Aguileras and our Spears...s, it is the 1955 version that serves as the backdrop for today's sketch.

Guest Cindy Crawford (or as she was originally known, "Cinderella Crawfordopolis") was one of the original Frogketeers on "The Kermit the Frog Club," along with a few other will-be stars.

Including Little Newt Gingrich and Little L. Ron Hubbard!

Various elements are parodied, with the "Kermit Frog Theme Song" ("Where's the 'the'?" cries Kermit during the song) and frighteningly ambitious career plans for the young cast.  But it is during the roll call that our little Stu gets to shine.  Stu leads the pack.  And then comes back.  Again.  And again.  And again.

Let Little Robbie Reiner have a chance!

Why Is He the Most Important Muppet?

Stu suffered from extreme short-term memory loss.  Unlike the rest of his Frogketeers, Stu would not go on to bigger and better things.  His affliction prevented him from normal interactions, making the transition into society very difficult for him.

But despite his setback, Stu's confidence and happiness did not falter.  He excitedly interjected his name into any conversation he could.  It was all he knew.  It was all he could do.  And he had fun.

Stu never went away, though.  While the rest of his friends became successful celebrities, Stu remained with the Muppets it seems.  At the very end of the episode, he returns to once again shout his name.  Strangely, he has remained in his youthful state.  It seems that living in this forgetful stasis has kept Stu forever young.  Unfortuantely, he doesn't get to enjoy his newfound fame since Cindy Crawford vaporizes him with her laser-vision.

It makes sense in context, I assure you.

The moral of Stu's life?  Um, be yourself.  And stay away from supermodels.

M! D'Bolo had a much more interesting life.  But that is a tale for another day.

Out of the Nursery, Into the Night

The Muppets have always relied on fairy tales and nursery rhymes as a starting off point for entertainment.  This was probably to play off the notion that puppets were kids' stuff and were often used to portray characters from children's stories.  Each foray into the realm of fairy tales provided new twists and experiences.  Tinkerdee, The Storyteller, and Muppet Classic Theater invited parodies, satires, and darkly, artistic adaptations.  But these were just the appetizers for "Fairyland PD."

Scene from "The Emperor's Lewd Clothes"

In a parody of crime procedurals like Law and Order, detectives Clifford and Bobo would investigate the seedier side of Fairyland.  After dark, anything could happen.

Goldilocks has a standoff with the cops in a breaking and entering situation!  The Emperor gets arrested for public indecency!  Humpty Dumpty needs to be talked down from the ledge in his suicide attempt!  These are a far cry from the Sesame Street News Flashes of yore.

These sketches take the fairy tales to their logical extreme, revealing the uncomfortable undertones of the original rhymes.  But of course, they are still Muppets and tomfoolery is to be had.  In "Curds Away," Little Miss Muffet has been being harassed by a lecherous spider and Bobo must perform an undercover sting operation in order to catch the spider in the act.

Much curds and whey are spilt!

It's a little strange that Clifford and Bobo are the detectives.  Rather than take two pre-existing fairy tale characters, the Muppets are brought in.  Perhaps it is to play with their dynamic, but they are both playing different roles than they normally do.  Clifford isn't relaxed or stressed out.  Bobo isn't as dimwitted as he usually is.  They both play the roles straight (with some added wit and candor).  Does this mean that Muppets are actually part of the fairy tale universe?  Doesn't that just contradict the attempts to distance the Muppets from being children's fare?

I mean, they made a new cop character, after all.

Whatever the case may be, this is definitely one of the Muppets' more mature recurring sketches.  Perhaps American audiences weren't ready to see their beloved Muppets mixed up with sex and violence.  But we all must grow up and face the realities.  Life isn't a fairy tale.  And neither are the fairy tales.

The Most Dangerous Game

Muppet monsters eat.  That's all they are good for.  It's a simple notion, yet countless Muppet monsters have been created, all for the same purpose.  Consuming and destroying.

Muppets Tonight had to continue the tradition and a new Muppet monster joined the cloth.  And while he eventually appeared in the American episodes, he originated in the recurring U.K. Spot "Swift Wits."  This was a brand new game show, similar to Password or Pyramid, where the host would try to get the contestant to guess a secret word.  If the contestant failed, then a small, cute, innocent animal would be eaten by "Carl the Big Mean Bunny."

My, what big ears you have.

Big Mean Carl was the giant Muppet monster du jour.  What set him apart from the crowd was his various "personas" and his pleasant demeanor.  He wasn't a lumbering beast.  He thought rationally and was pleasant to converse with.  He just happened to eat without remorse.

Did I mention that he ate harmless, tiny mammals?  Victims like poor, little Buffy the puppy.

This is the cutest Muppet ever made.

Yes, each episode a different baby animal would be devoured all because the stupid humans would fail to say the correct word.  Each contestant was so self-absorbed that they would fail to recognize the carnage they would be responsible for.  They were moronic, big-headed, and oblivious.

Well, some of them were just scared.

It eventually got to the point that the host of "Swift Wits" Snookie Blyer would do all in his power to rig the game and keep the animals alive.  Sometimes he would purposely give the contestants the answer.  Other times he would play the game himself.  But no matter how hard he tried, the defenseless animals were always the ones to suffer.

Our noble hero...

But why does this game even exist in the first place?  Couldn't the animals just be put out of harm's way by...not putting them in harm's way?!  The simple solution would be yes, but, as 10,000 years of human development has proven, putting people into a competitive situation will eventually result in bloodshed. The animals are just innocent bystanders who have no say in the destruction and pain we are inflicting upon them.  Even when a few people try to help, there are dozens more standing in their way, causing more harm.

In these brief skits, we get a biting commentary on the human condition and its relationship to the natural world.  We created Big Mean Carl.  Now we have to live with the mess we made.  And so does the rest of the world.

Won't somebody please think of the beavers?!

I'll Have the Usual

Remember Polly Lobster and Clueless Morgan from Muppet Treasure Island?  Did you know that they were recurring characters on Muppets Tonight?  Yes?  Then you must be British because they were the next pair to appear in their own set of U.K. Spots!

And their series had nothing to do with piracy, treasure, or sailing the open seas.  They were bartenders.

They are just as we remembered(?).

These were the "Mr. Callahan" sketches, and each one followed the exact same routine.  And I don't just mean like how "Veterinarians Hospital" always had puns and a repeated intro and outro.  No, "Mr. Callahan was virtually the same every single time.

- First, Mr. Callahan would enter the bar.

Everything was shot from his point of view, by the way.

- Polly Lobster would be behind the counter singing "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?"

- He'd greet Mr. Callahan and offer him the usual.

- Mr. Callahan would (silently) decline and Polly would whip up a new drink (with violent results).

- Mr. Callahan would (silently) ask to see Clueless Morgan, Polly would call him out, and he'd enter (to thunderous applause from the audience).

- Clueless would comment on Mr. Callahan's outfit (something that would usually imply he was a crossdresser).

- Clueless would tell a meandering joke with Polly playing the straight man.

- Polly would instruct Clueless to "SING!"

- Clueless begins singing a song that gets interrupted in some cartoonish manner, knocking him and Polly out.

And they did this sketch SIX TIMES without straying from the formula.

Now, this was an oddly specific routine.  Surely there must have been a purpose behind the creation of this series.  Polly and Clueless were not particularly known for their vaudeville act in the movie.  So where did this come from?

Jackie Gleason.

Jackie Gleason as "Joe the Bartender"

"Joe the Bartender" was one of Gleason's stage characters that he brought to The Jackie Gleason Show.  And, just as with the "Mr. Callahan" sketches, the routines were often very similar to one another.  Joe would begin the sketch singing, then he would greet a "Mr. Dennehy," and start exchanging one-sided dialogue with him.  This was basically Gleason's opportunity to tell funny anecdotes and monologues from a bartender's perspective.  Often, Joe would be joined by "Crazy Guggenheim" played by Frank Fontaine.  Guggenheim was a clueless man who also told long drawn out stories with a shaggy dog punchline, but his "brainless" demeanor dropped the moment he sang in his beautiful voice.

 It all makes sense now.

Clearly, the writers wished to pay homage to these classic comedians and decided to put the Polly and Clueless puppets to good use since the movie was over.  And despite the repetitive nature of the routines, the sketches were always funny and captivating.  Usually repetition kills humor, but Gleason was a master of his craft.  When something works, it works.

Unfortunately, the Clueless Morgan puppet has since been lost, and so has the comedy team of Polly and Clueless.  It's difficult to say what could have happened had the two characters continued to thrive. But it's nice to see that even in the modern age, the Muppets still paid homage to the classics.

Fat American Pigs

A month ago during my Muppets from Space review, I teased you about the identity of a random old Muppet butler that was shacking up with the rest of the crew in their summer house.  In order to fully understand who this character is, we must return to the depths of Muppets Tonight.

Now, you may not have been aware that during the original run of The Muppet Show, our friends in England were privy to two extra minutes of Muppet material that was unseen in America (except for later video releases).  These segments were called "UK Spots" because they were made to compensate for the fact that British television had shorter commercial breaks than the U.S.  These spots were usually an additional song or an unrelated backstage scene that didn't affect the overall plot of a particular episode.  Unfortunately for Muppet purists, many great moments only existed in these U.K. Spots, but fortunately, they have since all been recorded and documented.

Muppets Tonight also featured U.K. Spots.  But rather than just film new songs or scenes, the U.K. got their own series of recurring segments.  They actually got four of these series!  They had six extra secondary characters, and it is time to introduce these isolated characters to the rest of the world!

First up is The Tubmans of Porksmith (later rechristened Boarshead Revisited).

Classy British fare.

So, what is the first thing one would put into a show that they know won't be seen by American audiences?  Why a big fat American pig of course!

You can never have too much apple butter, you grotesque swine.

Yes, our hero is Howard Tubman, heir to America's oldest and fattest family.  He lives alone in a mansion, gorging himself on all varieties of food.  But he is not embittered or lonely.  He is quite content to stuff his face.  Plus, he has his butler Carter to tend to is many needs, such as walking.

Another piece of cake?  Good show, sir!

The weak, frail old servant can do no more than to shake his weary head at his employer's lifestyle.  Tubman presumably eats all of the food in the house, leaving Carter to be nothing more than skin and bones.  Carter assists Tubman on his exploits to lose weight, either by hiding food or getting him nto shape.  But whiny Tubman's demands and abuse are all that result from these endeavors.  Despite his attempts to get fit, Tubman seems quite happy with his lot in life.  So what if he can't fit into his pants?  At least he's enjoying himself.

The duo represent opposite philosophies towards indulgence, which mirrors the stereotypes of American and British culture.  Americans are greedy, lazy, and obese while the Brits are hard-working and silently suffering.  You'd think this would be offensive but, hey, it's the Muppets.  Sometimes it helps to hold a mirror up to society and laugh at your foibles.  Are all Americans like Howard Tubman?  Of course not.  But we can recognize and respect the ribbing at our expense.  At least, we should.

Otherwise, we might fight back.  You know, if it didn't take so much effort.

If only it were this easy...

The Crooner and the Chimp

The world of the Muppets is like opening a child's toy box.  Teddy bears mingle with Barbie dolls and action figures from various playsets.  None of the characters fit together, but for the child, this is their population of inanimate friends.  A kid can pick up a dinosaur, call it "Batman" and have it fight a giant stuffed rabbit and it still makes sense.  Species, gender, and race have no say in the relationships between a child's toys.

It is by this logic that Johnny Fiama and his bodyguard Sal Minella came to be best friends.

What a cuckoo combination.

Johnny Fiama, the jazz lounge singer who was an amalgamation of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Tony Bennett, was actually a Bill Barretta creation long before Muppets Tonight premiered.  Based on the personalities of his father and grandfather, Barretta formed the Fiama character alongside his brother Gene, who portrayed Frankie Fiama.  The two made a short mockumentary about the two crooners called The Last Swing in 1993.  The production quality is cheap and the comedy never reaches the heights of a Christopher Guest movie, but it's clear that Johnny was a fully realized character by the time they started filming.

Barretta as the human Johnny Fiama, alongside his brother.

Barretta, when given the opportunity to create new Muppets, pulled Fiama out of retirement and gave him a makeover.  Fiama was going to be famous once more!

Johnny Fiama, next to his original concept sketch.

So how does a monkey fit into this scenario?

The idea to pair the two arose from a pre-production retreat in which the cast had an opportunity to try out all the new puppets to find their voices/characters.  In the middle of the tomfoolery, Barretta began to sing with Johnny Fiama, but everyone remained distracted by their own characters.  So Henson picked up a random background chimpanzee puppet and yelled, "Would you all quiet down and listen to Johnny Fiama?!"

And the annoying confrontational ape was born.

The incongruity of the duo's appearance led to their charm and memorability.  Most Muppet pairs are designed to complement each other visually (Ernie and Bert, Andy and Randy, even Seymour and Pepe) and those that later became pairs (Kermit and Piggy, Bunsen and Beaker) at least appear to inhabit the same physical world.  But Johnny is a Muppety caricature that seemed to have walked right off of Sesame Street while Sal would have been more at home with the more realistic puppets of The Animal Show.  The idea of putting them together seems wrong, but as soon as they made their introduction, it was clear that they belonged together.

Johnny Fiama's was a complex creature.  His appearances hinted that he was at the end of his career, attempting to stay relevant, yet he always remained calm and collected about it.  Sal, on the other hand, would take on (and cause) most of his stress, imploring that others give Johnny the respect he deserves.

Two episodes of Muppets Tonight were devoted to the pair.  The first, "Episode 106: Tony Bennett" found Johnny at his weakest.  The man who always maintained a strong composure started to fall apart when his idol Tony Bennett appeared as the night's guest.  After blowing his chances to sing with him, Tony and Sal come up with a plan to lift Johnny's spirits and retry the duet.  The fact that his hero saw him as an equal was a great victory.

And it proved that he really could croon.

But the second episode had more importance behind the scenes of Muppets Tonight.  During the second season, the show was experimenting with dropping the headliner guest stars and sticking with smaller cameo roles.  The results were hit-or-miss, but the final episode produced "Episode 212: Johnny Fiama Leaves Home" managed to get the formula right.

It had been established that, like most Italian-Americans, Fiama deeply respected his family, especially his mother.  So much so that despite leading a successful singing career, he still lived at home with her. And she hated when other women tried to date her little Johnny.

You won't like her when she's angry.

Fed up with her constant interference, Johnny moves out and into the KMUP studio.  Once again, Sal attempts to rectify the situation, and eventually, the two reconcile.  Until Johnny Mathis moves in.

As long as a smooth singer named Johnny is living there, it's all the same in the end.

This episode departed the most from the usual Muppets Tonight format.  The sketches were still in place, but the main conflict moved out of the studio and focused on actually developing these characters' lives.  No longer did the show feel like a retread of old Muppet Show episodes.  It now had it's own voice.  And what a mellow voice it was.

Unfortunately, that was the last episode and the crew didn't get a chance to explore this new theme of deep characterizations.  Several of the new Muppet characters would survive and become firm members of the Muppet community, and fortunately Johnny and Sal were among them.

They reminded us the Muppets have souls and can form bonds beyond their wacky appearances.  In no other show would a brash chimpanzee and a retired lounge singer be considered as inseparable pals.   Remember, the Muppets are special.

Now here's Johnny and Sal, singing "Bohemian Rhapsody," like true friends should.

Jumbo Shrimp

Muppets Tonight introduced a large number of new characters, partly because two relatively new puppeteers were joining the core group.  Oz, Nelson, Golez, and Whitmire were all hold-overs from The Muppet Show and Kevin Clash established himself as a key player during The Jim Henson Hour but five people were not enough to sustain a show.  Brian Henson (who was mostly a director and producer that had minor puppeteering roles) and Bill Barretta (who had joined the company in 1991 and worked heavily on The Animal Show) were the fresh new duo.  And like their predecessors, they formed a bond that was evident through their characters' relationships.

Bill and Brian had two main puppet teams for the show, and today we'll look at Seymour the Elephant and some other minor character no one has heard about named Pepe the King Prawn.

They're two of a kind!

Yes, Pepe was probably the biggest star to breakout from Muppets Tonight.  He started having major roles in the movies and he became a pivotal member of the main group.  Seymour...was not so lucky.

The odd pairing stemmed from an original idea to have an elephant and mouse comedy team.  But since that animal pairing had become cliche, the mouse was turned into a prawn (with a Spanish accent based on Barretta's wife's aunt who ended every sentence with "okay?").  Despite the change in species, the duo's dream remained the same.  They wanted to become big vaudeville comedy stars.  But for now, they were stuck working as elevator operators.

(Side note: Muppet elephant operators were a common occurrence during the '90s for some strange reason.  Sesame Street had their own working in the Fuzzy Arms Hotel.  But unlike Seymour, this elephant had found his dream job.)

Anyway, Pepe and Seymour wanted to break free from that elevator.  They wanted to be moving up, without having to continually return back to the ground level.  They got their first big break in "Episode 107: Sandra Bullock" when a terrorist was threatening to blow up the television station if their ratings dropped beneath 50.  Scrambling to find an act, Gonzo puts the pachyderm and prawn team onstage.  What follows is comedy gold.

Intentionally corny jokes don't make for great television.  Explaining those jokes makes for even worse television.  Yet, Pepe's increasing rage, Seymour's innocent patience, and the slack-jawed audience awaiting the punchline makes the bit work.  Bad comedy had been mined time and time again with Fozzie Bear on The Muppet Show and in order to save the bit, Waldorf and Statler's heckling became the focus of those acts.  But there is a genuine quality to this version.  The audience isn't hostile or upset.  They are on the edge of their seats and just too slow to catch the joke.

This unfortunate move sets Pepe and Seymour's non-existant career several steps back.  They keep their catchy theme song, as they've realized it's the only part of their bit that works, but they can never move on from there.  They do eventually get out of the elevator and into the commissary as cooks.  In "Episode 202: Rick Moranis," Canada's sweetheart Rick Moranis convinces the duo to start their own cooking segment on the show.  And thus, "Hey What Smells So Good? It's Time to Cook with Seymour and Pepe" is born!

They couldn't really fit that all on their sign, though.

Once again, the team fails in their endeavors (as all good Muppets must) and once again, it is not entirely their fault.  Some shenanigans with a "shrink" ray from Muppet Labs get involved as a bread monster threatens to destroy the studio and we end up with a giant Pepe, taking up the entire stage.

See, Pepe was the one destined to be big all along.

 You're a star, kid!

Seymour was a very pleasant character, but Pepe had an edge.  Plus, with Barretta's improvisational abilities, he could have Pepe talk for hours about anything.  Seymour was only there to give Pepe someone to talk to.  Pepe took on many more traits, fancying himself as a Don-Juan-esque womanizer thanks to his unique Latin flavor (who would mispronounce everyone's names since he had become too cool to care).  Yes, he may have become a little overexposed, and many were worried that he would take a large role in The Muppets despite not being in the original cast, but fortunately he was given a cameo, which allowed him to remain present and funny without being overbearing.

That is one spicy shrimp.

Love him or hate him, there is no denying that Pepe had a spark that Seymour just didn't have.  Show business is a cruel game.  It can put you on top of the world or throw you away when it no longer needs you.  Despite starting on the same foot, Pepe succeeded and Seymour failed.  And that's the way life goes.

 It's okay.  A Muppet elephant's natural habitat is in an elevator anyway.

Two Stupid Pigs

Low-brow humor gets a bad reputation.  Appealing to the lowest-common denominator classifies one as being unintelligent, lazy, or immoral.  Yet, this is humor distilled to it's most basic form.  Mere slapstick and lewd sounds spark guttural, involuntary laughter because they are unexpected to us.  "The Three Stooges" shorts are classics, not because they provided great insight into the human process, but because they speak the universal language of physical comedy.

Two characters that people may point to as a sign that Muppets Tonight paled in comparison to The Muppet Show are Andy and Randy Pig.

He's Andy and he's Randy.  I think.

The Muppet Show had unhinged characters and dim-witted characters and one-dimenisonal characters, but they did have pure idiots like Andy and Randy, especially not as their main characters.  These pigs were so cartoonishly stupid that they had no semblance of realism.  They took every word literally, enjoyed bashing their heads together, forgot who they were or how their body functioned, and refused to complete the most minor of tasks with their catchphrase, "This job's too hard!"

The pigs originally appeared as a duo known as "Kirby and Jeff" in one of Nickelodeon's "Muppet Time segments, where they are two young boys who attempt to prove that they can get dressed all by themselves.

Here, their imbecilic actions are understandable.  Little kids still have a lot of growing to do, but they often like to show off what they have learned, even  if they still lack the abilities to do so.  This song is cute and accurate for their age.  But this set the tone for all future appearances.

After Muppet Classic Theater redubbed them "Andy and Randy," their relation to Miss Piggy was established.  In the first episode of Muppets Tonight, Miss Piggy agrees to appear as the guest star if Clifford hires her two nephews.  While Piggy would appear less frequently from then on, Andy and Randy were there to stay.

Now played by Steve Whitmire and Dave Golez, Andy and Randy would cause all sorts of trouble for the crew.  Their biggest episode was "Episode 104: John Goodman" in which John Goodman saves their lives from being electrocuted, so they decide to repay him by becoming his personal slaves.  And of course they only do more harm than help.

It gets worse from here.

This is probably the twin pigs' worst episode because they are so prominent.  With pure, unbridled idiocy, small doses are the best.  This is why the Ralph-Wiggums of Television Land are usually regulated to bit parts of larger ensembles.  Fortunately, the writer's realized this, and soon, Andy and Randy would only appear once per episode.  And these moments would be fantastic.

My favorite recurring segment was "The Eagle's Nest," Sam the Eagle's political panel in which he would attempt to discuss important affairs with whomever he was able to scrounge up.  Andy and Randy Pig were the only ones dumb enough to participate, and thus appeared in each episode.  Having Sam grow increasingly more agitated while he attempted to maintain control was a delight, especially when Andy and Randy would twist his questions into some clever wordplay.  The following clip may be the best of the bunch, as only the pigs have shown up this time.

The repetition of "Messrs" at the beginning is innocently adorable (and would carry over into a future episode) but I was particularly fond of the pigs shouting "Yoyoyoyoyoyoyo!" as they tied Sam to his chair, because this was calling back to an earlier episode in which Clifford greeted them with the phrase.  It shows that they are learning.

However, there was one second season sketch that truly put Andy and Randy into their element.  In "Episode 203: Heather Locklear," the pigs somehow got the opportunity to write their own sketch.  This resulted in the perfectly-titled "The Hardy Pig Boys in 'The Mystery of the Zombie Queen of the Amazon Outer Space Jungle Bee-Woman Case' (based on a novel by Jane Austen)."

 Now this should have been the whole episode!

Andy and Randy, in true Andy and Randy fashion, fail to make it past the first line of their script without getting horribly confused about what they had written.  They don't understand their own jokes, they fail to solve the mysteries of who their characters are, and five pages consist of doodles.  But it ends with Kermit as Godzilla tearing through the scenery.  Ed Wood would be proud.

It's clear that when performing the pigs, Golez and Whitmire just set out to have as much fun as possible.  Adopting these doofy voices and failing the puppets about whenever they got the chance, the two puppeteers obviously did not care how silly they were being.  Andy and Randy could push the limits of low-brow humor and that's what makes them so ceaselessly entertaining.  They could mine a joke out of any situation and, unlike most of the elements of Muppets Tonight, it was evident that they weren't trying to hard.

Andy and Randy were comedy popcorn: not intellectually filling, but enjoyable and reliable nonetheless.

And they did it by themselves!

This Show is Out of Control!

Where to begin with Muppets Tonight?

This show exists on a fine line between "too familiar" and "radically different to what had come before it."  There are so many new characters, sketches, and stylistic choices that to call it an extension of The Muppet Show feels wrong.  The show both fails and succeeds at what it's trying to do, and I just cannot wrap my head around it.

There are some terrible episodes and there are some great episodes.  Almost every single element of this show can be dissected and it will take me weeks to say everything I want to say.

So I have to pick one thing.  One thing that represents this show in a nutshell so that I can at least build a foundation from which you can understand where the rest of this show is coming from.

And here is that thing.

Even if you watched the show back during 1996, you probably only vaguely remember this character.  This fellow is Nigel (not to be confused with that other Nigel, although I'm sure this was an intentional allusion).  He was the stage director in the control room of the KMUP television station.

And he was bipolar.

He would switch from calm and collected to frantic and flailing at the drop of a hat (or a cow).  Usually, when something went wrong, he'd be the one yelling for people to fix it.  This happened often.  One of the biggest differences between Muppets Tonight and The Muppet Show was that the onstage portions were rarely seen in full in this new version.  Often the focus was backstage and the performing acts were secondary to everything else.  The only sketches that weren't interrupted were pre-recorded recurring affairs, similar to "Pigs in Space" or "Veterinarian's Hospital."

And every time we left the stage, Nigel would be in the background, subdued or about to kill somebody.

This picture is inaccurate.  Nigel should be a complete blur.

The theme song to Muppets Tonight was our first indication that things were going to be different.  Watch, and count how many Muppet Show Muppets appear.

This show was "guaranteed brand new," literally.  Nearly every puppet that paraded through that number was an original creation for the show.  So why does this still feel like a "Muppet" show?

Well, as we know, Jim Henson was preparing the next version of The Muppet Show, so it's not as if this were just a product capitalizing on his name.  In fact, it was his son Brian Henson who created and led the whole production of this show.  He was the main director and he wanted to ensure his father's legacy lived on.

Brian Henson and the main cast.  And Miss Piggy and Kermit, the supporting cast.

Henson oversaw the next wave of Muppets.  A series of new and old puppeteers would use new characters to explore different stories than the kind featured before.  We still had the theme of trying and failing to put on a show, it was just with a younger generation of characters.  Kermit and Piggy were the alumni, here to usher in the new class (in fact, 50% of their jokes had to do with their increasing ages).

And yet they were used in all the promotional material.

We shall cover the new characters later (as most of them became accepted members of the Muppet universe), but for now, it is important to remember that for any failings this show had, it at least tried to be it's own thing, even though it had to please the audience who wanted more of the classic Muppet bits.  Brian Henson was doing his best, and it was surely a stressful position to follow in his father's legendary footsteps.

Oh, and did I mention that Brian Henson played Nigel the director?

It all makes so much sense now!

Muppets Tonight was doomed from the start.  It had to recreate the original's aesthetic while also standing on its own merits.  The show did it's best when it committed to one path (either being wholly original or wholly referential), and it suffered when it tried to blend those two concepts.

This show was bipolar.  But that just makes it all the more interesting.

Mr. Cool Shades

Okay, so The Jim Henson Hour was a bust, but one Muppet emerged unscathed: Clifford the... Clifford.  And it was evident that Clifford was supposed to be the next big Muppet, a signature Muppet for Kevin Clash to perform.  Yes, Clash had Elmo, but Elmo was stuck on Sesame Street (and he eventually ruled it with an iron fist).  Clifford was going to be laid-back and cool and non-ambiguously African American.

He is the only Muppet with dreadlocks to this day.

Clearly, Henson was priming Clash to be a crucial member of the Muppet team and he had made plans for Clifford to be the host and star of the next version of The Muppet Show.  Unfortunately, Henson passed away shortly after appearing on The Arsenio Hall Show alongside Clash and Clifford.

Although Kermit appeared, Clifford was the focal point of the interview.  It appeared as if Henson were passing the torch to Clash and Clifford to be the next face/phase of the Muppets.  But with his untimely death, the plans for the next Muppet Show were put on hold.  It wasn't until six years later that the next show premiered.

Muppets Tonight seemed to be a step in the right direction.  Clifford was ready to take the lead.  But there was one vital change made that Kevin Clash believes killed the character: they removed his sunglasses!!!

The better to see you with.

Clifford was supposed to be cool.  And you can't visually convey that a character is cool in the '90s without sunglasses!

Catch ya on the flip side, dudemeisters!  NOT!

Although the glasses seems trivial, it was true.  Clifford lost his vibe.  He had no more edge.

In order to stay true to the character, Clifford gets the hosting gig in the very first episode by accident.  Kermit, who is running the Muppet television network KMUP, finds himself with an unfilled 30-min slot in his primetime lineup.

Just imagine: a whole channel with nothing but Muppet shows.  It boggles the mind.

Kermit decides to throw together a show at the last minute and asks for volunteers for the hosting gig.  Clifford, who was on his cellular phone ('90s!) with his girlfriend misses the conversation and doesn't get a chance to escape with the rest of the familiar Muppets.  And so, this once mellow dude becomes high-strung and frantic as he scrambles to put a show together

 I'm going crazier than my tie!

Clifford became a bit snarkier due to his position of responsibility, and he always maintained a vague sense of self-awareness as to his role as a Muppet.  The character whose motto was once "Chill out, man" was now tortured and tormented by the Muppets he was in charge of (much as Kermit was before him).

Muppets Tonight lasted a season longer than The Jim Henson Hour, but it still did poorly in the ratings and thus was met with a premature cancellation.  It's hard to judge what exactly killed the show, but Clifford the worrywart wasn't helping matters.

Clifford the dancer, however, was a wonderful delight!

In future Muppet productions, Clash put his foot down, refusing to perform Clifford again unless he had his shades back.  Those glasses were crucial to his character.  Like the legendary bad-haircut-victim Samson before him, Clifford lost his mojo once his signature appearance was altered.  These glasses were a necessary accessory.

It all goes to show that you should always hold on to what makes you unique.

Or, in this case, exaggeratingly cliché.