Two Stupid Pigs

Low-brow humor gets a bad reputation.  Appealing to the lowest-common denominator classifies one as being unintelligent, lazy, or immoral.  Yet, this is humor distilled to it's most basic form.  Mere slapstick and lewd sounds spark guttural, involuntary laughter because they are unexpected to us.  "The Three Stooges" shorts are classics, not because they provided great insight into the human process, but because they speak the universal language of physical comedy.

Two characters that people may point to as a sign that Muppets Tonight paled in comparison to The Muppet Show are Andy and Randy Pig.

He's Andy and he's Randy.  I think.

The Muppet Show had unhinged characters and dim-witted characters and one-dimenisonal characters, but they did have pure idiots like Andy and Randy, especially not as their main characters.  These pigs were so cartoonishly stupid that they had no semblance of realism.  They took every word literally, enjoyed bashing their heads together, forgot who they were or how their body functioned, and refused to complete the most minor of tasks with their catchphrase, "This job's too hard!"

The pigs originally appeared as a duo known as "Kirby and Jeff" in one of Nickelodeon's "Muppet Time segments, where they are two young boys who attempt to prove that they can get dressed all by themselves.

Here, their imbecilic actions are understandable.  Little kids still have a lot of growing to do, but they often like to show off what they have learned, even  if they still lack the abilities to do so.  This song is cute and accurate for their age.  But this set the tone for all future appearances.

After Muppet Classic Theater redubbed them "Andy and Randy," their relation to Miss Piggy was established.  In the first episode of Muppets Tonight, Miss Piggy agrees to appear as the guest star if Clifford hires her two nephews.  While Piggy would appear less frequently from then on, Andy and Randy were there to stay.

Now played by Steve Whitmire and Dave Golez, Andy and Randy would cause all sorts of trouble for the crew.  Their biggest episode was "Episode 104: John Goodman" in which John Goodman saves their lives from being electrocuted, so they decide to repay him by becoming his personal slaves.  And of course they only do more harm than help.

It gets worse from here.

This is probably the twin pigs' worst episode because they are so prominent.  With pure, unbridled idiocy, small doses are the best.  This is why the Ralph-Wiggums of Television Land are usually regulated to bit parts of larger ensembles.  Fortunately, the writer's realized this, and soon, Andy and Randy would only appear once per episode.  And these moments would be fantastic.

My favorite recurring segment was "The Eagle's Nest," Sam the Eagle's political panel in which he would attempt to discuss important affairs with whomever he was able to scrounge up.  Andy and Randy Pig were the only ones dumb enough to participate, and thus appeared in each episode.  Having Sam grow increasingly more agitated while he attempted to maintain control was a delight, especially when Andy and Randy would twist his questions into some clever wordplay.  The following clip may be the best of the bunch, as only the pigs have shown up this time.

The repetition of "Messrs" at the beginning is innocently adorable (and would carry over into a future episode) but I was particularly fond of the pigs shouting "Yoyoyoyoyoyoyo!" as they tied Sam to his chair, because this was calling back to an earlier episode in which Clifford greeted them with the phrase.  It shows that they are learning.

However, there was one second season sketch that truly put Andy and Randy into their element.  In "Episode 203: Heather Locklear," the pigs somehow got the opportunity to write their own sketch.  This resulted in the perfectly-titled "The Hardy Pig Boys in 'The Mystery of the Zombie Queen of the Amazon Outer Space Jungle Bee-Woman Case' (based on a novel by Jane Austen)."

 Now this should have been the whole episode!

Andy and Randy, in true Andy and Randy fashion, fail to make it past the first line of their script without getting horribly confused about what they had written.  They don't understand their own jokes, they fail to solve the mysteries of who their characters are, and five pages consist of doodles.  But it ends with Kermit as Godzilla tearing through the scenery.  Ed Wood would be proud.

It's clear that when performing the pigs, Golez and Whitmire just set out to have as much fun as possible.  Adopting these doofy voices and failing the puppets about whenever they got the chance, the two puppeteers obviously did not care how silly they were being.  Andy and Randy could push the limits of low-brow humor and that's what makes them so ceaselessly entertaining.  They could mine a joke out of any situation and, unlike most of the elements of Muppets Tonight, it was evident that they weren't trying to hard.

Andy and Randy were comedy popcorn: not intellectually filling, but enjoyable and reliable nonetheless.

And they did it by themselves!

Be Prepared in Mind, Body, and Webbed-Feet

Boys have Boy Scouts.  Girls have Girl Scouts.  Frogs have Frog Scouts.

Trustworthy, Courteous, Amphibian

Scouting culture originated in Europe, but the American Boy and Girl Scout organizations have become synonymous with "Americana."  Thanks to pop culture and Norman Rockwell, the images of groups of children learning wilderness survival and cooperative skills are filled with nostalgia for a great American childhood.  By studying different techniques to become better citizens, the Scouts represent the best of what America has to offer.  Kermit the Frog's virtues makes him the ideal candidate for a Scout Leader, and, by default, the Frog Scouts were born.

Rule #1: No shoes allowed!

Scout Leader Ms. Appleby and the Okefenokee Pack 12 of the Frog Scouts.

They first appeared as a group in an episode of The Muppet Show in which Robin invites his troop backstage for a chance to meet that week's guest star, Debbie Harry of Blondie.  This storyline would have worked with any guest star, so, due to random chance, we are treated to a group that is obsessed with Debbie Harry and hopes to earn their "punk" merit badges.

Just like when you were a kid!

The episode mostly features the young frogs getting in the way and being starstruck, but they manage to find time to be useful.  They are able to fill in for Gonzo's cancelled act and they even stitch up Link after a particularly brutal "Pigs in Space" sketch.

If you couldn't tell, he had a broken nose.

The jokes never go beyond the surface level of funny merit badges or the troop's overeagerness, but this wouldn't be the last we saw of the Frog Scouts.  They would continue to appear in other publications, continuing their display of silly badges, because that's all there is to say about Scouts, right?  All those crazy badges, you know?!

A young Alfonso Ribeiro (a.k.a. Carlton Banks from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air) receives the "Boogie Badge."

In picture books, the Frog Scouts would undergo a familiar routine where the adults, in trying to teach them survival skills, always ended up needing to be rescued by the young Scouts.

Even Kermit suffers from this fate.

But the Frog Scouts' greatest moments occurred during Nickelodeon's "Muppet Time" segments that aired during reruns of The Muppet Show.  Here, we got to see the Scouts all on their own, out in the element, using their wits and teamwork to survive tough situations.

Like constant bear attacks.

Except for Robin, we never learned the names of these frogs, but they each had a distinctive personality  from which comedy (and life lessons) could ensue.  For example, never underestimate string.

If you watched that clip, you may have noticed that one of the Frog Scouts is a girl.  It seems that the Frogs Scouts is an equal-opportunity organization, which creates a stark contrast with the Scouting organizations it's based on.  Much controversy has arisen over the Boy and Girl Scouts approach to creating better citizens by explicitly excluding certain individuals from joining.  Apparently, intolerance is a virtue.

But the Frog Scouts are not like that.  Watch the next clip as a new member tries to join their group.

The group initially hesitates for taking in the new member.  It isn't because of her gender or her beliefs. It is because her talent doesn't seem very crucial to wilderness survival.  But, once she shows that she can benefit the group with her talent, they realize they were quick to judge and allow her in.

Going back to the original Frog Scouts episode, we can see that this has always been a part of their practice.  Why, at the end of the episode, they make Debbie Harry an Honorary Frog Scout!  She isn't even of the same species, yet they accept her all the same!  For comparison, Honorary Boy Scouts have all been Christian males, just like regular Boy Scouts.  

Even in this simple episode, the Muppets were being startlingly progressive.

As a safe haven for children to explore the wilderness, learn about life, and form friendships, the Scouts offer great lessons and valuable services.  But, if given the option, I would choose Frog Scouts over any of the other organizations.

Boys have Boy Scouts.  Girls have Girl Scouts.  Anyone and everyone has Frog Scouts.

You are welcome.