Muppet Wannabes

Due to the popularity of Muppet Babies, CBS wanted to expand the franchise into an hour-long block of programing.  To fill the gap, a new variety show was created in 1985.  Little Muppet Monsters was paired with Muppet Babies for the new Muppets, Babies, & Monsters hour and, surprisingly, it managed to get 3 of its 18 episodes to air!

Oh, it's another cartoon?

Why surprisingly?  Well, by taking just one look at the first episode, it's easy to see that the show had no sense of cohesion.  The main premise was that three younger Muppet monsters (Tug, Boo, and Molly) would play around in the basement of the Muppet Theater/Muppet House where all the Muppets seemed to live and broadcast their own television show with the stuff they found.

Via their magic television machine?

However, rather than put on their own show for the entire half-hour, they would show a mix of original material, educational segments featuring grown-up Muppets like Fozzie or Gonzo, and Muppet cartoons that needed to find a home.  The cartoons were similar in style to Muppet Babies but they featured adult Muppets in other premises.  "Pigs in Space," "Kermit the Frog: Private Eye," and "Muppet Sports" featuring Animal were a few of the recurring segments.

Animation cel sizes for the animated cast.

The cartoons would take up half of the episode, leaving little time for plot development with the supposed "stars" of the show.

Boo, Molly, Tug and some musical birds.

Maybe had the show solely focused on this trio, it would have lasted longer.  But even Henson was able to see that whatever the show had turned into, it was too cluttered and confusing for children.  Seeing the adult Muppets right up against their animated counterparts highlighted the severe dip in quality between the puppetry and animation.  Muppet Babies worked because it stood on its own and used live-action clips to play with the animated format.  Here, we go from fun puppet Kermit to bland cartoon Kermit in a matter of seconds, and it makes the cartoons unbearable.

This promo showcases all that was wrong with this idea.

Little Muppet Monsters was swiftly axed, resulting in awkward artifacts from the time period, such as the Muppet Monsters getting special treatment at Jim Henson's 30th anniversary special.

They get a whole table to themselves?!

Like the Dragontime puppets, the Little Muppet Monsters would resurface years later in other productions.  But alas, we never got the time to know these three characters who just wanted to grow up and be just like their idols.

 These puppets just didn't have the right stuff...ing.

The Dork Side of the Force

Behind every great hero is an even greater villain.  The world's greatest villains are not only powerful, but menacing, intelligent, and frightening.  They must pose the greatest challenge a hero can face in order to properly test the hero's worth.  The best antagonists in literature represent all of the chaos and evil that can potentially arise in the protagonist, so that when it comes to the final confrontation, the hero must fight his greatest foe: himself.

The Pigs in Space couldn't protect the broad side of a barn, let alone the universe.  It was best to start them off with an equally inept nemesis in order to wean them onto hardcore heroism.  Enter the Koozebanian scourge, Dearth Nadir!

Dearth Nadir, a.k.a. Barff McVader, a.k.a. Gonzo in a modified "Darth Vader" costume

Although First Mate Piggy is able to see though his disguise, Dearth Nadir proves to be the most threatening hijacker the Swinetrek has ever faced.  Not even Link's mommy can protect him.  And unlike his inspiration, Dearth Nadir actually follows through with his heinous crimes and orders his "stormtroopers" to kill the heroic pigs.

(Only the first sketch is applicable.  But the other two are funny.)

Because we leave it on such a depressing cliffhanger and there is no explanation to how our heroes escaped, one can assume that Miss Piggy was able to save the day using her karate reflexes of death.  However, even Piggy has her weaknesses, namely, instant infatuations with any male celebrity.  So, in one of the strangest crossovers this side of St. Elsewhere, galaxy-renown Jedi knight-in-training Luke Skywalker crashes into the Muppet Theater, with C-3PO and R2-D2 in tow, searching for their kidnapped ally, Chewbacca.  (For those of you following the official Star Wars timeline, this occurs circa the year 3 ABY (After the Battle of Yavin) prior to the Battle of Hoth.)  Piggy immediately goes into damsel-in-distress mode, letting down pigkind for ages to come.

It's all technically canon!

Skywalker pilots the Swinetrek to Koozebane, where the evil Dearth Nadir awaits.

Fortunately, using their comedy-musical variety show powers, the pigs save Chewbacca and his companions through a medley of song-and-dance numbers (allowing C-3PO to finally show off all that soft-shoe he had been practicing).  What the Pigs in Space lack in courage, knowledge, and odor, they make up for in random humorous moments.  It is their only defense.

Although defeated, Dearth Nadir would continue to harass the pigs multiple times.

In comic books...

...as an action figure...

...and even in an Atari video game!

The Pigs in Space may not have encountered many villains during their tenure, but they were vulnerable enough to attract a needy, little weirdo who seemed to survive by getting on everybody's nerves.

All in all, the disappointing track record of the Pigs in Space crew rightly deserves a disappointing archenemy.  If only there existed some unsung hero who could rise up and defeat all of this mediocrity once and for all...

A newt hope...

And so, we close our final chapter of PIGS IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

Planet Koozebane: The Breeding Grounds for Weirdness

There is a reason the Muppets have instant universal appeal.  As we've discussed, most of Henson's classic sketches rely on three things: recognizable/catchy music, physical humor, and gibberish.  These concepts are not bound by language, and so, any person viewing one of these sketches will understand the premise immediately (even if they feel that what they are seeing looks a little bizarre).  Early puppets were designed as abstract beings to deliver the most effective visual punchline.  They were not based on any animal and lacked any familiar facial features, save for whatever was necessary to convey that these were living creatures, not inanimate.

"Sclrap Flyapp!" "Merp!"

When constructing The Muppet Show, Henson wanted to include these old bits and routines, but the absurdity of them seemed out of place given the conceit of a '70s variety show starring actual people (not puppets).  Here, people/animals spoke English and behaved in a funny, yet relatable fashion.  In order to connect the old and the new, someone came up with a clever setting to house these types of skits.  Because the old routines were filmed on variety shows with minimal set pieces, the focus was always on the puppets, not the blank backgrounds.  A stark, barren planet was invented that mimicked the look and feel of these former sketches.  With very little in the way of atmosphere and scenery, any creature the puppeteers wanted to use could potentially be alien beings from this far away planet!  The planet Koozebane was born!

The Muppet Show version of "Scrlap Flyapp," a.k.a. "Hugga Wugga"

Rocky craters, billowing mist, and little to no vegetation was the norm on Koozebane (named after Coos Bay, OR, which Henson thought was the silliest place name ever).  Old abstract Muppets found their new home on this planet and new abominations were able to surface.  All that was needed to connect it to the "real world" was a familiar face to reassure the audience.  News reporter Kermit the Frog was on hand to present the audience with the first look at Planet Koozebane in this infamous sketch about the bizarre mating ritual "Galley-Oh-Hoop-Hoop."

This sketch helped establish that Koozebane could be used to cross all sorts of cultural barriers.  Although Kermit is describing the circumstances in English, it is evident what the two creatures are feeling/doing.  And the appeal is not just for different ethnicities, either.  Adults and children can appreciate this sketch as well, even though children will be unaware of actual mating.  They see two funny aliens that crash into each other and explode, resulting in babies.  That's just good comedy no matter who you are.

The circle of life.

Kermit would visit the planet regularly to observe many of the unique species living on the planet, including the rapidly-evolving Phoob and the mostly liquid Spooble.  Every visit would result in more species waiting to be discovered and some would even trek to Earth.  Of course, being an interstellar planet, Koozebane would eventually receive contact from the Pigs in Space crew.  Although, being the pig's-knuckleheads that they are, their efforts to create history are botched as soon as they set foot on the planet.

Despite the obvious fact that it is swimming with life every time we see it, the pigs are unable to notice what is right under their nose.  Link's fear of "little green monsters" encourages him to hightail it home as soon as it is "discovered" that no life forms exist on the planet.

We checked a five-square-foot area.  We're done.

Unfortunately, their impatience has caused them to overlook a being far more disturbing than talking rocks or exploding fish thingies...

Not even highly combustible amphibians are safe from the true menace of Koozebane.

Tune in tomorrow for the heart-pounding, secret-revealing, tap-dancing conclusion to PIGS IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

Scientific Progress Goes "Oink!"

After watching the previous "Pigs in Space" sketches, it is easy to see the role that Dr. Julius Strangepork plays.  He is the token scientist, able to explain complex situations and invent new technologies that can provide sources of conflict.  He is very much a product of the series and gets very little in the field of character development.

And it would be weird if there were only two main crew members.

Being placed in the "third guy" position, he gets all of the lines and actions that the straight man normally would.  Link is too dumb and Piggy is too hotheaded to carry the scenes by themselves.  They need someone with a level head to recite the boring lines, laugh at their jokes, and stay out of their arguments. As you can see in the following scenes, his only useful function is to move the plot along.

Due to his bland nature, he rarely appeared outside of the "Pigs in Space" sketches.  Miss Piggy was a popular star in her own right, and Link Hogthrob's idiocy allowed him to play a myriad of roles in which a pigheaded macho man was required.  Strangepork's biggest outing was a bit part in The Muppet Show's murder-mystery play in which he played the famous stage director Fritz (until he is murdered, again serving only to incite the plot).  Rarely were we treated to insight into the character.  He was clearly based of Peter Sellers's famous "ex"-Nazi scientist Dr. Strangelove, but he lacked the original character's quirks and mannerisms (save for the German accent).  In one episode, we learn that Strangepork enjoys disco.  That's....different.

However, there was one throwaway line in his introduction during the very first "Pigs in Space" that implies an interesting backstory for the character.  The announcer states that Strangepork is "the superbrain behind this whole ghastly mistake." Although the announcer often spoke with grandiose, cliched speech, this implication that something sinister lies behind the whole PIS operation is quite intriguing.

What mad fates resulted in the launching of the Swinetrek?

Through various off hand remarks and references mentioned in the crew's dialogue, it can be pieced together that the events we witness unfold in some far off future where pigs have gained sentience and manufactured advanced technologies.  Hogthrob continuously mentions that they have left Earth, so they are not from some unknown planet.  Yet they rarely mention the existence of humans.  If one didn't know any better, these visions of the future seem closely related to the classic story Planet of the Apes.  Except, you know, with pigs.

But that's just silly.  Surely these peaceful pigs could not have risen up and enslaved humanity, becoming the dominant species.  That is far too Orwellian to be used as fodder for The Muppet Show.

ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL

BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS

Alas, the truth is often grim.  In the rarely seen pilot for The Muppet Show, there is a prominent sketch entitled "Return to Beneath the Planet of the Pigs" in which a Chartlton-Heston-esque man named Hudson returns to Earth to find it running with oppressive swine overlords.  In it, an early Miss Piggy leads the man to a Dr. Zaius-like figure for "reorientation."

Did you see him?  Did you see who was playing the lobotomy-happy Dr. Nagua?

This is indeed a disturbing universe.

That's Dr. Strangepork!  The mild-mannered, happy-go-lucky, sweet old pig is none other than a blood-thristy, dehumanizing, murderous doctor who single-handedly eradicated most of the human species by removing their brains!  Since few humans ever board the Swinterek, we have never seen this madness awaken in him, but clearly he is a force of evil.  Being the oldest pig on the ship, one can assume that he was there when the pig rebellion took force.  He is their Napoleon!  It seems his "humorous" name was hinting at his true nature after all!

Mein Führer! I can wallow!

Tune in tomorrow to hear more frightening accusations about PIGS IN SPAAAAAAAAACE!

The First Mate is an Overacting Ham!

Miss Piggy is a terrible actress.  Old science fiction shows and B-movies were known to be dismal, unintelligent schlock, but the performance Piggy gives as "First Mate Piggy" really takes the cake.

In the early skits, Piggy tried her best to play the typical air-headed bimbo.  She was the token "hot girl" that sci-fi flicks used to broaden their appeal.  As this role, she was supposed to swoon over the chiseled Captain Hogthrob and hang on his every word.  Piggy steps it up a notch by treating every line as if it were part of some overblown melodrama. (She often speaks like this in real life as well, so it is not too much of a stretch for her.)  However, as soon as an aspect of the sketch does not go her way, she drops her whimsical demeanor and goes into snarky violent mode.

As time progresses, Piggy commits herself less and less to each passing scene.  This problem is so rampant that the lines of reality are often blurred.  The Muppet Show bills itself as a variety show with music and comedy, yet the "Pigs in Space" sketches seem to exist on their own plane.  Like Futurama the sketches are supposed to parody standard sci-fi conventions.  So it is okay that the scenes are comedic.  Yet much of the humor comes from seemingly unplanned moments.  Piggy often breaks character, commenting on her distaste for the situations.  But is "First Mate Piggy" supposed to be saying these lines or is it Piggy herself?  When other members of The Muppet Show appear in the sketch, Link and Dr. Strangepork always treat them as aliens.  Are they just ad-libbing or does "Pigs in Space" actually take place in an alternate universe?

The next few scenes play with that paradox as Piggy purposefully does not play along with the sketch (yet decides to appear anyway).

While the first sketch can be explained as Piggy just being uncooperative, the second is far more confusing.  As Link and Dr. Strangepork try to fix a gas leak, First Mate Piggy enters and leaves in a huff thinking that the audience is hissing at her.  Why does she do this?  Was that in the script?  It is actions like these that lead me to believe Piggy is so bad at acting that she does not rehearse her scenes before hand.  She does not even bother to learn what the sketch is about!  Link's sexist comments always seem to catch her off guard.  At first I thought, maybe she is supposed to be a bold, empowering character with a feminist attitude and that's why she fights back against Hogthrob's insults.  But that doesn't explain her character when she is acting flighty and weak.  We rarely see much of "First Mate Piggy" but we see an awful lot of the woman behind her.

"Aye aye, mon capitán!"

Imagine if you were Kermit, trying to organize this show, and your leading actress kept pulling stunts like this.  She keeps breaking character to reprimand her co-stars for behaving immaturely even though that is the point of the sketches.  She is the most unprofessional performer on the show, despite her delusions that she is a prima donna.  You can start to see why he is not too fond of her advances towards him.

One wonders what "Pigs in Space" is actually supposed to be like.  Is it supposed to be comedic at all?  Is it supposed to add some actual drama to the variety show?  The End of the Universe sketch seems particularly poignant even in it's absurdity.  The pigs, faced with learning the meaning of life, instead choose dinner, being pigs and all.  This seems to be the one sketch where Piggy stays committed to the show...that is until she threatens the announcer with a violent outburst.

If it weren't for Miss Piggy, his show could have been as groundbreaking as Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Tune in tomorrow for more philosophical conundrums on PIGS!  IN!  SPAAAAACE!

The Captain is a Chauvinistic Pig!

In the English language, there exists no person, animal, or object than cannot be improved when followed by the words "in space."  So, in an attempt to capitalize on the popular space operas of the '60s and '70s, The Muppet Show produced its own recurring sci-fi drama starring the most appropriate species on Earth:

PIGS!  IN!  SPACE!

A crew of interstellar porkers would wallow in the furthest reaches of the galaxy, encountering strange new creatures, unfamiliar worlds, and futuristic devices that change the very fabric of the universe as we know it.  It would take a brave man to lead the inhabitants on the Swinetrek through this perilous journey unscathed.  Unfortunately, a brave man was unavailable and they settled for the next best thing.

"I WANT MY MOMMY!"

Yes, Captain Link Hogthrob was placed in charge of the vessel, much to the chagrin of his First Mate Piggy.  He would boldly square off against extraterrestrial monsters (as long as they weren't snakes), he would strategically formulate plans to escape danger (after someone told him exactly what to do), and he would ethically treat all of his crew members with the utmost respect (as long as they were male).

It must be his devilishly handsome good looks that got him where he is today.

According to Jim Henson's son Brian, Henson created this pompous dim-witted voice and would adopt it whenever doing stereotypical fatherly chores around the house, like carving the Thanksgiving turkey.  The ultra-manly character seemed a perfect fit for Link, who seemed to suffer from the same negative qualities whether he was in the sketch or not.  In some ways, he evolved to be a caricature of Captain Kirk and William Shatner at the same time.  When he was not piloting the ship, he could be found showing off his talent for crooning.

Above: The cutest moment ever

If this character seems very familiar, it is probably because you watch Futurama.  Zapp Brannigan is clearly cut from the same mold.  He is dim-witted, highly sexist, and arrogant to the point of endangerment for all those who encounter him.  So, while Brannigan is a great character, Hogthrob was doing the same schtick 25 years earlier.

Switched at birth?

Like a giant manchild, Hogthrob had his heart in the right place most of the time, but lacked the abilities to process information intelligently.  He started off as a much smarter character, but as time passed, he got dumber and dumber, which allowed for many great situations.  For a sense of our leader in action, here are a few of the best "Pigs in Space" sketches:

Whenever people ask me who my favorite Muppet is, I always answer "Link Hogthrob" with no hesitation.  Stupid characters in of themselves are not funny.  If someone is stupid and innocent, I feel mean for laughing at their antics.  But if they are stupid AND cocky, everything is fair game.  There are many moments when Hogthrob does something infantile and sweet (I love his doodle in the third sketch!), but he comes right around and mocks First Mate Piggy for being a woman, assigning her tasks such as laundry and ironing in situations where the crew's lives are in peril.  He's a character that I can laugh at without shame.

Captain Link Hogthrob and his fearless team.  Off on another pointless adventure.

Tune in tomorrow for another exciting profile about PIGS!  IN!  SPAAAAACE!!!