The Witches, Part 3: Boys Will Be Mice

What does Formula 86 do?  Why it turns children into mice, thus making them easier to kill.  There are a lot of rules about the mouse potion, specifically how long it takes to work depending on the dosage.  So, to show her fellow witches the results of her potion, the Grand High Witch brings in good ol' Bruno Jenkins.

WARNING: The previous clip was super scary and unsettling and should not have been viewed by small children.

After giving Bruno a laced chocolate bar a couple hours before, Bruno returns to receive the promised amount of six more chocolate bars.  However, in 15 seconds, he will turn into a mouse.  The Grand High Witch was cutting it pretty close there.  What if Bruno had gotten held up for some reason?  Then he would have turned into a mouse in front of the hotel guests and the witches' plan would be ruined.

Oh well, Bruno transforms into a mouse in the most grotesquely cartoonish way possible.

I feel like Oompa Loompas should be singing him a swan song about now.

Bruno the mouse scurries away and the witches pat each other on the back for a job well done.  And then, as they are leaving, one witch finally smells Luke and a huge chase scene begins.  Luke manages to escape the ballroom and the hotel completely and heads towards the beach where other guests are.  Um Luke, now would be the time to TELL AN ADULT what is going on.

But no, the Grand High Witch distracts him by PUSHING THE BABY CARRIAGE OF A SLEEPING MOTHER DOWN A STEEP HILL THAT LEADS TO A CLIFF RIGHT OVER THE OCEAN!  What an obvious set up.  Also, this witch was about to straight up kill a baby.  In a kids film.

So of course, Luke saves the day and the baby's mother doesn't report the witches.  Luke ends up back in his hotel room where his grandmother is still passed out in her diabetic coma.  The Grand High Witch catches him and brings him back down to the ball room to force him to drink the whole bottle of Formula 86.

Bad touch!

Luke gets up a little woozily and begins his transformation into a mouse.

But first he becomes Joel Hodgson.

As a mouse, Luke scurries beneath the stage and meets up with Bruno.  They both discover they can talk, but when they run into Luke's mice William and Mary, they are unable to communicate with them.

They aren't puppets like us.

Luke and Bruno plan to make their long trek up stairs to Grandma Helga's room so that she may fix the situation.  The next few minutes are filled with much scurrying as Luke and Bruno change from live-action mice to animatronic mice between shots.  Even though the change is obvious, the mice muppets are really cute, considering their size.

Dawwwww!

Will Luke and Bruno be able to change their forms and save the children of England?  Find out tomorrow as the spooky story continues!

The Witches, Part 2: Cauldron Con 1990

Luke and his grandmother move into the Hotel Excelsior! where surely nothing could possibli go wrong.  ...Possibly go wrong.

This isn't ominous.

As if on cue, Anjelica Houston arrives complete with a sinister musical sting.  I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but I'm pretty sure she's a witch.  Also, Mr. Bean owns the hotel.  Things are going to get wacky.

After settling in the room, Luke explores the hotel and discovers the most Roald-Dahl-esque child to ever exist.  This is Bruno Jenkins.  If Augustus Gloop and Veruca Salt merged into a single entity, Bruno would be the result.  We find him alone in the dining room eating the raisins out of the pastries and putting the remnants back on the serving dish.

Willy Wonka would destroy you, Bruno.

As the Houston leads many women through the hotel, it is clear that some sort of witches convention is in town.  In case this wasn't clear to us, she pauses by a painting that has another small child trapped inside of it.  Luke had better watch himself.

But Luke's already getting into trouble as Mr. Bean confronts him for letting his mice run free.  After an absurd exchange in which the hotel manager barges into the boy's hotel room without permission and the grandmother claims that Luke should be allowed to keep the mice since there are most likely rats in the kitchen, it is decided that mouse traps should be put up all over the hotel.  This is foreshadowing!

Back down in the dining hall, we meet Bruno Jenkins's parents (who are still alive and therefore despicable human beings, as all Dahl adults are) as Mr. Bean notices that the pastries have been nibbled on by the non-existent rats/Bruno.

Rowan Atkinson can make any film a classic.

Grandma Helga notices Anjelica Houston looking at her and has the strange sense that she has met her before...

GRANDMA HELGA!  GET YOUR GRANDSON OUT OF THERE!  HOW IS THIS NOT CLEAR?!

But it's too late.  Houston seemingly spiked Grandma's tea with magic...or sugar and Grandma will be out of commission for a while, leaving Luke free to practice his mouse circus act in the empty ballroom  at the hotel.  But it just so happens that this is where the Witch Convention is taking place, under the guise of the "Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children."

The Horrors of Event Room B.

Hiding behind a screen, Luke observes the witches as they de-wig.  Why they do not smell him is not entirely clear, but no matter.  We need to see what these witches are up to.  Apparently, Houston is the Grand High Witch, and she is the ugliest, foulest, scabbiest witch of them all.  Here is where the Henson effects team has come in and kudos to Houston for wearing this get up for over half of her screen time.

Gross!

GROSS!!!

The Grand High Witch firsts lambasts her fellow witches for not meeting the yearly quota of child deaths.  Apparently one child a week just isn't cutting it.  After smiting one of her own kind for daring to speak against her, the Grand High Witch reveals her new plan.  All witches in England shall leave their jobs and open up candy stores.  Although this would probably have some negative effects on the nation's economy (not to mention the many eyebrows this career move will raise), the Grand High Witch is certain that her plan is fool proof.  Because the candy will be laced with "Forumla 86."

DUN DUN DUN!

Just what does this potion do?  Tune in tomorrow to find out!