Baby's First Christmas

The first year of a baby's life can be very intense.  Not only are they learning about their immediate environments, but the world around them is already shaping the "norms" that will soon become familiar to their minds.  Annual events are occurring for the first time without explanation, so by the time people are old enough to register what is happening, these holidays already have an innate sense of familiarity attached to them.

Take Christmas, for example.  One day, in the middle of winter, we wake up early, sit around a decorated tree and unwrap numerous presents delivered by a mysterious figure known as "Santa Claus."  There is no reason to question any of this, because everyone around us just accepts it.  Life is filled with magic, at least for one day.  Many unanswerable questions surround this event, and the answers are too grand for our tiny minds to comprehend it all.  Once we start overanalyzing it, worry starts to settle in.

1988 was the first Christmas for Baby Kermit.  He had learned about Santa Claus and knew that on Christmas morning, the nursery would be filled with presents for him and his friends.  But on Christmas Eve, just as everyone falls to sleep, it begins to snow.  Kermit, fearing that Santa would be unable to locate the nursery in such weather, takes it upon himself to venture out into the blizzard to find Santa himself.

He follows the Northern Lights to make his way to the North Pole where he discovers that Santa has already left.  Kermit grows even more anxious as he realizes he'll never be able to get in touch with Santa in time.  The first Christmas for he and his friends may not occur at all!

Fortunately, the big man himself appears to assuage Kermit's fears.  He explains that he was able to find Kermit due to the overwhelming concern for his friends' happiness.  This love for his friends shines brightly through the thickest, darkest weather.  Kermit learns that Santa is much more than a man.  He is capable of great powers due to the generosity of people like him.  Although he is too young to completely understand, it is okay.  Christmas is not a time to be afraid.  It is the one time of year where good things just happen, no questions asked.  There is no need to worry.

Have no fears, little one.

After spending the rest of the night delivering presents, Kermit wakes up back in his nursery, to find that everything is as it should be.  Perhaps it was just a dream, but he learned a valuable lesson.

People may find many reasons to avoid Christmas.  Some may complain about the over-commercialism while others stress about holiday travel, shopping and cooking.  The religious aspect may be alienating to some while it feels underrepresented for others.  Our collective anxiety is at an all-time high during this season.

But remember your first Christmas?

The event unfolded with nothing but frivolity and joy.  Gifts were exchanged, your family was together, and everybody was happy for no discernible reason.  It became a time to look forward to, not to hide from.  If you find yourself growing anxious this holiday season, take a step back and remember that the point of Christmas is to peacefully relax.  Let your stresses fall by the wayside and let Santa take care of the heavy lifting.

At the very least, find someone you can share it with, love 'em, and hug 'em.

Once again, McDonald's has shown us the true spirit of Christmas.

The Search for a Wild Canuck

As a young child, I was a huge fan of McDonald's Happy Meal Toys.  I enjoyed playing with the miniature versions of my favorite characters and even more so, I enjoyed collecting the many trinkets.  One of my first Happy Meal Toys was Baby Kermit riding on a soapbox racer.

VROOOOOM!

Due to my age, I had missed most of the original run of Muppet Babies and I never managed to catch it on television.  This Kermit toy was my only window into the series.  I do not remember receiving the toy, but I remember playing with it often.  I also knew that there must have been more toys in the series, for a girl up the street owned the Baby Piggy premium.  I made it my goal to complete the set.

In the days before the Internet, one had to be clever in researching Happy Meals.  There was no eBay or Amazon to allow us to look up old items in an instant.  I had to rely on outdated collectibles books with poor photographs and also the official Happy Meal Archive as documented by the McDonald's corporation (my parents arranged it so that I received an updated copy in the mail every couple of months).  This amounted to a large printout of every promotion the fast-food chain had ever done.  It was through these sources that I learned that there were four to the set: Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, and Gonzo.

The Fab Four

My only source for finding these old toys were through various flea markets, antique stores, and yard sales.  I would just have to get lucky to find my prizes.  Piggy and her bike came easily, and I eventually found Fozzie and his wagon (although the handle is missing).  And when I received Gonzo, it seems as if my search was complete!

Except, something was a little off.  During my search, I kept coming across strange alternate versions of the toys pictured above.  A Kermit in a standing position.  A Fozzie with a tiny head.  A smaller Piggy with squinty eyes.  And when I compared my Gonzo to the one pictured, he too was completely different!

My Gonzo had his eyes half closed whereas the picture shows his eyes fully open.  I did not mind it so much because I preferred that look for the character, but it was nagging me that these other versions existed.  Turning back to my books and archives, I learned the truth.  There had been two sets released, one in 1987 and one in 1990.  The earlier set was a bit off model and the vehicles were made of a cheaper plastic, but if I wanted to make things right, I would have to finish both sets.

And so I did.  I had my two Kermits, two Piggies, two Fozzies and two Gonzos.  But there was still something wrong.  Although I did not have a picture of it to prove it's existence, one of my archive printouts mentioned a fifth item in the 1987 set: Baby Animal.

A truly complete set.

How could this be?  In the multitude of flea markets in which I had scoured for these tokens, I had not once come across a Baby Animal toy.  And then I rechecked my notes.  Animal was a "Canada-only" premium.

For you see, in different markets, McDonald's tries different promotions.  Usually the whole country is on the same page, but every once in a while, regions get "test premiums" to see if the toys sell well.  Things are even more random for international markets, where McDonald's has to choose what would be familiar to a non-American audience.  Often times, the same promotions run internationally.  Sometimes completely new sets are created just for other countries.  And other times, sets will be similar, with one or two of the toys replaced.  But this was the only time in which a near identical set was made with an additional toy that was not in the American release.  And in Canada, no less, which usually receives the same items as America all the time!

For some reason, Canada lucked out and received this bonus toy.  After I had resigned to the fact that I was not going to find Baby Animal in the U.S., I decided that it wouldn't even be worth it.  The 1987 set created such odd deformities in the characters that they probably butchered Animal as well.

But thanks to the Internet, my misconceptions are eradicated.  I now see that Animal actually looks great compared to the rest.  He could easily fit in with the 1990 set.

He looks better than he does in the show!

I have long since stopped collecting Happy Meal Toys.  That part of my childhood is stored away.  My eight Muppet Babies, however, are kept separate from the rest.  They reside in a old-fashioned Muppet Babies lunchbox awaiting the return of their comrade, lost in the far north.

One day, he'll come home.  One day.

Born In Sin

While babies may be incapable of harm and destruction, that does not mean they are inherently good.  Due to a limited experience in the real world, a baby's perception of the universe is ever-growing.  But at the beginning, their scale is quite small.  It is limited to only what they can sense.  They cannot envision life outside of their domicile.  They cannot even envision life outside of their playpen.  Peek-A-Boo is such a big hit because as soon as something leaves their field of vision, it ceases to exist.

And so, babies cannot help but be self-centered.  And it is from this perspective that negative attributes form and must be eliminated if we expect babies to enter human society.

"Noisy Neighbors," the very first episode of Muppet Babies, sets the stage and introduces the characters and concepts that will be explored over the run of the series.  It tells the tale of the gang's attempts to keep Baby Animal quiet so as not to wake their police officer neighbor.  Let us meet the stars of this morality play.

Noisy Neighbors, a Tragedy in Three Acts

(Act 1, Act 2, Act 3)

Starring:

Baby Piggy as Wrath, 

a bossy brute who dishes out pain when things don't go her way

Baby Fozzie as Greed, 

an ambitious joker who puts his desire for fame and fortune above all else

Baby Scooter as Envy, 

a meek nerd who lives in the shadow of his stronger sibling

Baby Skeeter as Pride, 

a competitive show-off who listens to no one but herself

Baby Animal as Gluttony, 

a ravenous beast who always follows his gut (and nothing else)

Baby Rowlf as Sloth, 

a laid-back pooch who only helps out when it will cause him no strain

Baby Gonzo as Lust, 

an amorous weirdo who refuses to let anything hinder his passion

and

Baby Kermit as Job

The episode begins with foray into the make-believe.  A cardboard box becomes a submarine while a couch becomes a battleship.  The two naval fleets battle it out until the Muppets caretaker intervenes to instruct the children to be quiet so as not to wake their sleeping neighbor.

Baby Animal does not listen to these demands, and as soon as Nanny leaves, he begins making a racket. Many parents are familiar with fussy infants who refuse to sleep.  Animal takes this to the next level by pounding the ground causing earthquakes and eating the carpet.  Kermit rallies the troops to calm Animal down, but not much seems to work.

Piggy makes up a fairy-tale involving a dragon that Fozzie and Gonzo fail to slay.  Kermit succeeds through the power of dance, riling Animal up.

Rowlf attempts to calm things down with a lullaby and at first, Skeeter and Piggy fight over who gets to sing.  When it is settled that everybody will sing, a rousing number once agin riles up Animal.

Finally, Gonzo suggests watching TV and imagines himself as a superhero, saving Piggy from a plummeting elevator.  Animal usurps the story as a King Kong figure and is riled up all the more.

After every outburst from Animal, Nanny has appeared to shush the youngsters, claiming the policeman next door is complaining.  Just like any authority figure in a child's life, Nanny's word is law.  There is no arguing or complaining allowed.  She is a giant and must be obeyed.

For you see, Nanny is God.  Although she is not always seen, her presence is constantly felt.  Despite the babies' attempts to remain faithful and good, they always slip up sooner or later, and Nanny is there to smite them.  The fact that we never see her true face only supports the notion that she is the mysterious omnipotent ruler of the universe.

In Nanny We Trust

Although her voice is provided by the calm and soothing Barbara Billingsley, her judgment is swift and no one dares cross her.  Throughout the series, the babies always manage to stay on her good side, fortunately.  She remains understanding in the knowledge that they have much to learn about the world and they will often be led astray and tempted by sin.  She is there to guide them.  And when she disappears, she must rely on her favorite child to lead the masses.

Young Kermit, barely out of his pollywog stage, is already expected to guide his fellow man.  And in his first task, he fails miserably.  It is nigh impossible to keep Animal quiet, but Kermit does not give up.  Failure after failure, he seeks out new methods to keep the Devil at bay.  And finally, when he is about to give up all hope, the Almighty Nanny reappears with words of salvation.

The neighbor has left for work and the kids are free to make as much noise as they wish.  Their efforts have not gone unnoticed and our Lord Nanny smiles upon the infants.  She rewards them with eternal peace and slumber.

And so, despite the permission to raise hell and sin until the cows come home, Kermit and his brethren rest, free from temptation.